The Bad Touch Trio & the Goblet of Hilarity
by K.Henderson
Summary: Hogwarts meets Hetalia! A bit of Gender bending, romantic drama and a dash of another fandom equals crazy amounts of weird! Too hilarious not to check out! Castiel chapter has now been moved to its own one shot!
1. Pansy and the Huffelpuff Bastard

_**The Bad Touch Trio & the Goblet of Hilarity**_

_Disclaimer: Muse wishes but does not own Harry Potter or Hetalia or Nyotalia._

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><p><strong>~.~.~<strong>

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><p>It was safe to say that in a magical school, the term"strange and unusual" did not apply. When you can ride a broom, when staircases periodically changed directions, when you went to potions instead of chemistry, when you went to arithmancy instead of math and where the art of sleeping in class was perfected during a history class being taught by a ghost, it was safe to say that the line that separated the abnormal from normal was completely non existent.<p>

Most of the time.

But sometimes "most of the time" seems to be forgotten in lieu of something else. At the moment Pansy Parkinson was trying to remember why she had ever agreed to come to Hogwarts in the first place instead of going to Beaubaxtons.

"I am going to murder that Hufflepuff bastard!" Pansy growled from her hiding place. She peered from behind the suit of armor. "How does he keep finding me?"

"Well, maybe because you are talking so loud, _oui_?"

"Shut up Bonnefoy!" She hissed at her French classmate. Francis laughed ( _A hon hon hon~_) and frolicked with such bravado that deserved a standing ovation Pansy had to clench her fist not to clap. "Ponce..."

Pansy made a mental list of all the people she would burn alive (Muggle style. On a stick) and preceded to mentally place Francis Bonnefoy **The Insatiable Gryfindor **on the mental list, beneath Gillian **So _Not_ Awesome** Beilschmidt, her dorm mate. Those two, she thought venomously, were just as bad as the Hufflepuff bastard!

And thinking about the Hufflepuff Bastard, Pansy suddenly had the overwhelming feeling of dread that was now becoming incredibly familiar. Apparently he was near by, she thought, near by and waiting to pounce, the bastard!  
>It was times like this Pansy wished she had never broken up with Draco. At least with Draco acting as a sacrificial shield Pansy could have had enough time to get away. Oh why had she broken up with him again?<p>

Oh wait, she remembered now. Gillian Beilschmidt. The freak had actually demanded that Pansy break up with him.

_'You're nowhere near awesome enough to date my apprentice Coco!'_ Those were the albino girl's exact words right before pouncing on Draco and hauling him out of the Slytherin common room kesesese-ing with thought on who to prank next.

What happened after that, the day after the forced breakup, was possibly the most horrifying series of events to ever befall Pansy. All beginning with bumping into the Hufflepuff oaf who upon sight had decided that she was to be his date to the Yule Ball.

The nerve.

"Damn it, damn it all." Pansy whispered. "I have to use the bathroom and that damned Hufflepuff Bastard is somewhere here, lurking and waiting...damn it all! I don't care!" Pansy stepped out from behind the suit of armor. When nothing happened she smiled triumphantly and took one step-

_-and_ was pounced upon by a heavy muscular body-the infamous _Yellow Flash_ of Hogwarts.

**"GET OFF!"**

**"AW BUT PANS-"**

**"DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME THAT, SELF RIGHTEOUS TWIT!"**

A punch to the stomach, a head butt and a particularly hard kick to the chest and Cedric Diggory still seemed to hold onto Pansy Parkinson as though she were, literally, a part of his own body. He smiled down at her dreamily.

"Oh, Pans, you're so silly!" He grinned stupidly. Pansy refused to even acknowledge that she thought it might have been an attractive crooked grin. "You were absent this morning. Greengrass mentioned that you were feeling under the weather."

"Well, that was obviously a lie. I just wanted to get away from you. Stupid."

"Oh look, you're flushed! You have got to be the most adorable Slytherin I have ever met!"

"I. Am. Not. **FLUSHED**!"

Because Cedric Diggory, idiot extraordinaire, Lord of Stupidity, King of the Moron's, Tsar of the Thickhead's, Supreme Ruler of the oblivious seemed to believe that he and Pansy were something of an item.

Or that they were destined to be something of an item.

"You know," Cedric swung his arm around Pansy's shoulders and began to walk, pulling her so that she had to follow him. He grinned down at her wickedly. "I have been taking Spanish lessons from Antonio."

"The idiot Ravenclaw?"

"He has mentioned that I'm a bit of a fast learner." Cedric ignored her quip. "I am becoming well versed in the language of passion."

"Do you have a point because I need to get to the loo."

"No. No point..._querida_."

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><p><strong>~.~.~<strong>

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><p>"Merlin...I hadn't realized Cedric had attained such a beating from the first challenge! He looks as though the dragon has chewed him up and spit him out at least a dozen times."<p>

It was true. Cedric Diggory was sporting some of the worse bruises Cho had ever seen. Purple and green bloomed at his cheek and there were distinct handprints at his neck as through someone were attempting to strangle him. He walked with a very obvious limp.

"Did he get into a scrimmage with the Bulgarian's?"

"No _amiga_," Antonio Cariedo Fernandez swung an arm around house mate Cho Chang's shoulder, missing the look of obvious disdain coming from the Hufflepuff table from Lovi. "He decided to try out his Spanish on _Señorita_ Parkinson." He sighed. "_Al parecer, ella no aprecia la lengua española_."

"English please."

"_Lo siento_, _amiga_, I forget to use my English sometimes." He gave her a little squeeze ignoring the growl emanating from the fourth year Hufflepuff who was now ignoring the concerned and terrified _Ve~_ing of her third year sister.

"So, changing the subject from Cedric's obvious abuse, Antonio, what are your plans for the Yule Ball?"

"I don't have any plans."

"Oh? Well, I was thinking, since we're such good friends that perhaps you and I can go together."

"Well-"

"Friends Antonio, just as friends. I understand too well your obsession for Lovina Vargas." Cho whispered. "This might be the incentive she needs. If she thinks that you're moving on she might just admit how she feels about you."

"_Incentivo_?"

"_Si_."

He could go with Cho and have a great time. Antonio liked to dance, he liked various types of music though he was still getting used to Wizarding music.  
>Cho was great company. Sure she was a bit whiney now and then especially with Cedric Diggory having changed his affections from Cho to Pansy. There was, of course the fact that Cho liked to play up the fact that she was remarkably intelligent and wave it around in his face, but other then that she was good company.<p>

She was also very nice, she enjoyed hearing stories about Antonio's madre and about the farm and she even got along with Gilly. Going with Cho to the Yule Ball might not be so bad, considering that he had already asked Lovi and she had said no.

Nine times.

"Antonio?"

And she was really pretty. Not like Lovi no one was prettier then Lovi, but Cho had something about her that was very attractive, not that it was a date. Also, it didn't matter that Antonio was physically attracted to Cho anyway. It wasn't like going to a dance with a significant other it was going as friends.

That was all.

Oh, when had everything become so confusing?

"_Si_. We should go together."

While Antonio ignorantly missed the obvious pink blush spreading across Cho's face and the look of disbelief and hurt on Lovi's, across the room at the Gryfindor table Ron Weasley yelped.

Loudly.

"Bonnefoy!"

"_Ah hon hon hon~_"

"Get your hand out of there!"

"But _cher_ Ronald, my hands get so lonely and you are filling out so nicely."

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><p><strong>~.~.~<strong>

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><p>Ron Weasley had a problem, an incorrigible, blond, French, devastatingly handsome perverted problem. Usually French blonds weren't a problem, he was all for them, however this French blond was a perverted male. He buried his head in his hands and dry sobbed. He even shared a dorm with the beast!<br>If he went in that particular direction then it wouldn't be a problem at all. Seamus seemed to be doing quite well living in the same dorm with Bonnefoy but the rest of them; Dean, Neville, Harry and himself, it wasn't so easy.

When you were accosted on your way to Potions, pulled unceremoniously into a broom closet and snogged into breathlessness by your dorm mate twice in one week...and when you stopped minding...well Ron was beginning to care a little less which made him worry a whole lot more.

Nothing says boarding school like a sexuality crisis and in this case Ron might just have an aneurism before he figures out if he "like likes" Bonnefoy or if he's just in shock over the whole "male tongue on my tongue" thing. Especially after the rather confusing moment during supper where Bonnefoy stuck his hand in Ron's pocket and leaned his blond head on Ron's shoulder like he usually did.

What was different and had caused Ron to make a scene was when Bonnefoy's other arm decided to trap Ron in a hug...or more of an intimate embrace and what had made that moment worse then anything that Ron could have expected was the fact that Hermione had nodded to them and gave forth her opinion on Bonnefoy's rather intimate PDA.

_"You make a dashing couple."_

Ron had made a scene louder then any he had done with food in his mouth;

_"Bonnefoy! Get your hand out of there!"_

Justly said, Ron was the most affected by Bonnefoy and he was having none of it. If he had any attraction towards him then Bonnefoy had better make his intentions clear and commit.

Not that Ron wanted to be in a relationship with him but Bonnefoy had better take responsibility. That was okay.

Right?

"Damn it..."

Then again...maybe it wasn't.

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><p><strong>~.~.~<strong>

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><p><strong>Muse-Tan: Thanks for reading this one-shot. More will be added on a later date. I guarantee. Free writes after reading a very long message between myself and the awesome Black Rose Authoress.<strong>** The BTT attending Hogwarts came up at awkward points and well, I reread the message and became inspired.**

**This story wasn't suppose to make a lot of sense and it was written very quickly. Anyhow I might add on, no I will add on since Tonio and Franny were introduced here I can't very well leave Gilly out.**

**And to those of you who are freaking out because Tonio is going to the Yule Ball with Cho...well all's I can say is this-he's a teenager (not a nation, maybe I should have mentioned that earlier) and as a teenage boy with a broken heart and hormones he is going to act on said hormones (not a lot mind you, he isn't Francis).**

**Oh, and Cedric Diggory stalking Pansy Parkinson? For the love of Merlin's pants, why would I pair them? Because...I...can...**  
><strong>No flames. This story isn't a serious one so no flames please. Flames will be used to stoke the fire in which Ron is having his near break down next to it...you wouldn't want Ron to brood so much that he throws himself into your flames, right?<strong>  
><strong>Thats what I thought.<strong>

**LoL**

**And did any of you catch the Naruto reference?**


	2. Epic Facepalm Moment

**The Bad Touch Trio and the Goblet of Hilarity**  
><em> Snape recalls sexual harassment, T.M.I and there are panties involved.<em>

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><p><strong> ~.~.~<strong>

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><p>-<br>Severus Snape was long used to imbecilic children gallivanting about the corridors of the castle. Bumping into one another, laughing loudly, bullying the first years or plotting (in the Weasley Twins case).

He had once been one of the imbecilic children himself when he had attended Hogwarts many years before. Nearly twenty years had passed since then, when he had been a boy in his prime with Lily...and the blasted Marauders, the oafs, the insufferable quartet, the plotting moronic foursome. Those...demons.

Snape was sure he had never met such a damnable pack of idiots since then and he was glad. Even Potter(Junior) and his merry band could not compete. Fred and George Weasley came close but stopped short.

None would be as bad as the original-

"Fernandez!"

"Buenos días Profesor! You look troubled. Is everything alright?"

Was everything alright? No. Not even close to being alright. The good professor could feel his blood pressure rising and he had to fight the urge to slam his palm against his forehead in exasperation. He closed his eyes and counted to ten in hopes that when his eyes opened that Fernandez would...not be in front of him anymore.

His eyes opened, caught sight of glittering green eyes. He closed his eyes again and counted...again this time out loud.

In Latin.

"_Primus_..."

"Its a very nice day so I decided to have a jog. I ran into Francis on my way to the lake-"

"_Quartus_..."

"-told me that the nargles were going to attack so I said-"

"_Octavus_..." Of course, Bonnefoy was involved. Severus should have known.

Counting would not work not. Not with the tick in his eye, the throbbing vein in his neck and the need to acquaint his palm with his forehead growing stronger the longer Fernandez spoke.

"¿Estás bien Profesor?"

"I'm fine." No he wasn't. "Fernandez, where are your clothes?"

Ah, now that was the question of the hour. Where were Fernandez's clothes?

"Mi ropa?" Fernandez had the gall to appear embarrassed. "I had to take it off. Francis told me that I had to run around la escuela naked to scare the nargles away. I was protecting la escuela!"

"I...see..."

Professor Severus Snape infamous and terrifying a man known for taking points for even the smallest of things and giving detention at the drop of a hat had now decided to give in to temptation.

As his hand rose, palm upward, to meet his face there was a loud explosion coming from behind him. A terrible stench filled the air pausing his actions. He turned towards the stench.

Two figures, one with long silvery hair and another with the familiar bleached blond, sped passed him.

"Kesesesese! Did you see their faces? You'd think they've never been hit with a few dozen dung bombs before! C'mon Coco, run faster!"

"Did you have to include Professor McGonagall in your little prank?"

"_Our_ prank, Coco."

"Don't bloody remind me!"

They were around the corner in an instant, their hurried steps quite literally dulled by the pounding of a few dozen stinking Gryfindor's and one angry Gryfindor Head of House following them with wands out and ready to hex the living day lights out of the two Slytherin's.

Severus would have to ask Beilschmidt and Malfoy how they managed to get into the Gryfindor common room later.

Now where was he? Oh yes, right. Now, as his palm came flying towards his face with added speed just for kicks he continued to give into sweet temptation and-

-and Weasley barreled out of the cupboard to his right. His clothes were in disarray the button of his trousers was opened revealing pink underwear (with lace), his shirt was backwards and inside out and he was missing a one of his trainers. And a sock.

Francis Bonnefoy pranced out right after, appearing sated and quite confused. He was holding what appeared to be a pair of boxer shorts in his hand. "But cher, they look quite appealing sur le cul."

"Its humiliating! Why do you even own womens undergarments?" Weasley shouted as he fastened the button on his trousers. His face matched half his house colors, bright glaring red. "Did you get them from one of your conquests? They had better not be."

"Non, cher Ron, they are actually mine."

"You wear them?"

"Oui."

The loud slap from his palm sent Severus' head flying back probably causing some sort of irreparable damage to his neck. Not that he cared, at least now with the ache in his neck and the pain spreading from his forehead to his temples rid him of the images of not only Fernandez (who was still standing there naked) but of Ronald Weasley wearing pink panties...

Why oh why had Severus not retired?

Why oh why did his student's this year not care for propriety at all?

And why on Earth was Antonio Fernandez Carriedo still standing in front of him in nothing but a pair of tattered trainers on his feet?

"For the love of Salazar, can someone get this boy a robe!"

His shout finally got the attention of the perverted Gryfindor couple to his right. Weasely's blush exceeded red and turned purple upon noticing his professor. If the situation were different Ron might have laughed at the hand print of Snape's forehead but in his current situation it wasn't funny.

Because Snape had heard it, he heard it didn't he, that Ron was wearing a pair of panties belonging to Francis Bonnefoy?

So not funny, not even a little funny at all.

"Its not what you think!" Ron shouted. "I...we...nothing happened! I swear _nothing_ whatsoever inappropriate happened in that cupboard!"

"Well cher, it was just a _little_ inappropriate."

"Francis!"

"There is nothing wrong with admitting to sweet faire l'amour."

"What? I don't speak French!"

But Severus did which made explaining what "faire l'amour" meant all the more awkward for them, well for Weasley and Severus. Fernandez seemed just fine standing in a pewter robe that Weasley had ripped from Bonnefoy's shoulders and thankfully covered the naked Ravenclaw with. Bonnefoy was busying himself with peeking into Fernandez robes.

"Fifty points from Gryfindor!"

"Just fifty?"

"Did you want me to remove more, Weasley?"

Why only fifty points? Maybe Severus was going soft or maybe the singing in his neck and the migraine beating against his temples and just behind his eyes may have something to do with it.

Actually, if he really thought about it, Weasley beating Bonnefoy in the head with his other trainer (the one that had not been missing) it was easy to see why Severus had only deducted fifty points. There was a sort of perverse satisfaction to see Bonnefoy getting punched by Weasley.

"What are you saying you frog? There was no faire l'amour you bloody pervert!"

Suddenly, Severus began to remember his own hellish school days with the Marauders-Potter (Senior) in particular. He shuddered. Could things get any worse today? Running into a naked student, the stench lingering in the air, the full knowledge that two students were currently in a very strange and unusual sexual relationship with panty swapping...how could it possibly get worse then this?

"Franny! Tonio! Guys guess what we did!"

Seems like it could.

Gillian Beilschmidt ran into Francis Bonnefoy's opened arms hugging him tightly. Her bright red ruby eyes glittered up at Bonnefoy. "You missed it. It was awesome!"

"Gilly ¿qué hiciste?" Fernandez asked. He greeted Malfoy with a handshake.

"Awesome and Coco totally pulled the greatest prank today!" She then went on explaining with great detail and exaggeration. Her hands coming up in wild erratic movements, Bonnefoy was poked in the eye.

Why was Severus still standing there? Why hadn't he left?

"...the look on Hermione's face when it exploded in her lap was priceless and..._Coco_? What are you looking at?"

"That's what I would like to know." Malfoy stepped towards Weasley and leaned down just a bit. He was staring at something at Weasley's side. "Weasley, what is that?"

A pink thin strap at Weasley's side, peeking just above the trouser top. It was suddenly, with much disdain and nausea that Severus smacked his forehead with his palm again.

"Weasley...are...are you wearing pink _thong_ underwear?"

"...no."

"Hey! Why are you wearing Awesome's panties?"

"What? Yours? FRANCIS!"

"Not le visage!"

"¡Qué divertido!"

"Weasley, I knew you were poor but...stealing women's undergarments and wearing them? That is just depraved..."

"Shut it Malfoy!"

Severus walked away. If he really thought about it now, he could admit that he may have found students worse then the Marauders (Potter Senior in particular).

_'Oi Snape, it that a _wand_ in your pocket or are just happy to see me?'_

_'Get away from me Potter.'_

_'Aw call me James!'_

_'Never and get that bloody bra away from me!'_

_'But I got this just for you!'_

...okay maybe not worse then the Marauders (Potter Senior) but they did come close.

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><p><em><strong>~.~.~<strong>_

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><p>-<p>

_**...um...I have no excuse for the light James/Snape stuff. Take it as you will but ya know, it kind makes sense that Snape hates Harry. That perverse satisfaction in seeing Francis get punched making sense now right? How many time did young Snape want to punch James for being a pervert? Ha!**_

_**...actually I no excuse for this period. Crack. Total and complete weirdness. I already know it's weird so no flames.**_

_**Took me a while to write it. Snape is hard to write and humor, even more difficult. I'm debating whether to add a certain Belarusian character here. I think Black Rose Authoress knows what I'm talking about (lol just lol). I hope you guys like it! I worked pretty hard.**_

_**Muse-Tan **_


	3. The Fatal Attraction

**The Bad Touch Trio & The Goblet of Hilarity**

_The Fatal Attraction_

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><p><strong> ~.~.~.~<strong>

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><p>-<br>Harry Potter was in trouble.

Big. **Bad**. Trouble.

Not that this was uncommon. If you knew Harry then you knew that he was constantly covered by a cloud of perpetual trouble. This all started around the time of his parents divorce. His mother had packed up and moved to his Aunts place with him. How does this equate to trouble for Harry, you ask?

Well, James Potter, Harry's father, decided that in the end of his marriage with his wife that he would leave the house they shared. So Harry's mother moved back into the house with Harry and his father sought home elsewhere. Here is where the trouble began. Harry's father, oh so popular and famous Quidditch player decided to move into the house directly across the street from the winged demon bat Professor.

And apparently, James fancied the bat.

A lot.

So in the midst of awkward puberty, piles of homework and quidditch practice, Harry also had to deal with taunting and Professor Snape's deep and unhealthy loathing of all the things Potter, particularly Harry who looked like an exact replica of his idiot father.

Woe is he for having James's face and smile, his build and talent at quidditch. Of course, his mother, bless her, tried to console him. But that just made it worse.

"Oh Harry dear, don't mind your classmates. Eventually they will leave you alone, after all, your father being just a _bit_gay is not a big deal."

...it was a big deal, apparently.

With the gay students coming up to Harry saying things like "your father is an inspiration" and what not. Not that it bothered Harry much, actually it made him puff out his chest proud that his father inspired and helped people by being proud and 'out'.

But, now people were constantly calling him gay and teasing him and boys had begin to give him love letters to pass to his father (oh dear) and if you add the already prominent fans of his father's already following him about...

Harry was used to being troubled, it was nothing and by fourth year he was able to adequately ignore it. This year, however, after growing a few inches and developing some sort of muscle, he had been noticed and that had developed into trouble of the worst kind.

The scary kind of trouble. The most, probably, deadly trouble that on could get into. If you asked Harry, he would tell you that it was all Karma and that in his past life he must have been a horrible evil person to deserve what had come to him (he firmly believed that in a past life he must have been someone like...Voldemort.)

"Do you see _her_?" He asked Ron.

"No, but then she might be lurking somewhere. You know _her_." Ron said as he shoveled more eggs into his mouth.

Next to Ron, Francis made a noise of disgust and turned away to talk to Ginny who sat beside him.

"Mon Dieu!" He gagged. "I do not know what I see in him!"

"Weasley charm?"

"Non, it can't be that."

"Oi, you two, shut up!"

Harry tuned back into his own thoughts hoping that Hermione would hurry up. It was rare of her to be late to breakfast and right now he needed her.

He peeked across the room, staring at the Slytherin table taking in all the faces with deliberate slowness. Stuffy Slytherin's that he didn't know, Ludwig being harassed by his sister, Malfoy glaring daggers at a box of cereal-now that was strange.

Harry caught the eyes of Ivan Braginski and gave a quick and terrified wave as Braginski waved back with a smile on his face. Katyusha Braginski, a Hufflepuff who seemed to gravitate to any of the tables that caught her interest, smiled brightly at Harry and waved cutely. How she was related to the Braginski's Harry didn't know, although he suspected that she may have been adopted.

After a quick perusal, Harry determined that the bane of his existence and the threat to his sanity was not present at the Slytherin table._ Jubilation indeed_, Harry thought. _Looks like I might get a head start and make it to class on time today. Maybe she's sick._

He almost did a little jig right there.

Harry was not the sort of person to wish others ill, however, in this case the wish was made and he prayed. Harry needed at least one day to will away the facial tick forming at the corner of his mouth and to somehow get rid of the feminine high pitched "eep" that had developed as of late.

A loud boom brought him out of his thoughts. Pansy Parkinson stomped into the great hall followed by a very bruised yet incredibly enamored Cedric Diggory who easily matched step beside her.

Behind them Antonio Carriedo and Cho Chang walked side by side in deep conversation. From the Hufflepuff table Lovina Vargas growled, shouted in Italian and then crossed her arms and ignored the two Ravenclaw's who hadn't even noticed the outburst. Rare. Antonio always noticed Lovina.

Toris Lorinaitis and Feliks Łukasiewicz, who had both been in deep conversation (although it looked like Toris was busily ignoring Feliks) stopped talking long enough for Cho and Antonio to join them. Although Feliks was Slytherin he seemed to fit in with the Ravenclaw's just fine. But, Harry suspected that it was more out of respect for Lorinaitis whom all the Ravenclaw's seemed to like.

Not that Harry cared. He hated Lorinaitis. _The bastard._

"Harry..."

"Not now Ron, I'm...thinking..." _Oh yes, thinking about Lorinaitis, the cur._ Harry rested his head in his hands and sighed. Maybe he was over reacting. _After all_, he mused, _it grew back and Lorinaitis did apologize, profusely._

_Doesn't make a bloody difference...what is done is done._

"Mate..." Ron sounded strained. Harry wouldn't look, no he would not acknowledge Ron right now. Whenever Ron sounded like that he was either in danger or being molested. The latter seemed to happen most often and now Harry had taken to ignoring Ron when it did.

In retrospect, Harry should have listened.

"Harry-"

"What is it Ron?" Harry faced Ron and promptly fell silent.

Ron's face was paper white pale, his freckles black against the white of his skin. His blue eyed were wide, terrified-

-and trained in the spot directly behind Harry.

"...Ron?"

Two frail cold hands suddenly clamped down on Harry's shoulder with surprising strength in their grip. Time stopped, he could hear nothing but the sound of his own heart and of his own internal monologue "...the horror..." as though a black and white motif should suddenly converge over all the colors in the room.

Francis looked at the owner of the cold hands with their vice like grip, and smiled sweetly. "Bonjour, Mon cher."

"Francis." The Belarusian accent, the drop in temperature as she spoke. It was definitely...her. The cause of the worst most horrible trouble Harry had ever known. "Liubasny..."

Oh he knew what that meant. Beloved. He shuddered at the now very familiar tick that started at the corner of his mouth, although, he was pretty glad he hadn't made the "eep" sound yet.

"Natalya."

She sat down beside him in Ron's now vacated seat (the traitor!) With uniform pristine as always (Slytherin) Natalya Braginski faced Harry and grasped his hand in hers, ignoring the loss of color in his face. Her deadpan expression suddenly gave way to a desperate one (though unless you knew her you would be hard pressed to notice.)

"Harry..."

"Yes?" He was afraid to ask.

"Let's get zamužam žanaty zamužam."

Loud barking laughter brought Harry back from his near fatal panic attack. He looked across the great hall to see Draco Malfoy, now no longer concerned with glaring at cereal, doubled over, tears falling from his eyes, face the shade of Antonio's tomatoes, hysterically laughing at him.

_Oh_, Harry thought,_ that high pitched womanly shriek was me!_

"Um," Harry coughed into his hand. "I-I'm very flattered? But, no, I don't think it would be possible to get married." _Ever..._

It felt like one hundred years passed before Natalya blinked (it was really four seconds) and, in those moments Harry had formulated a two plans to get him as far away from Natalya as possible. Plan_ A_involved a distraction which would work-

-if not for Natalya's older brother Ivan sprinting through the doors. The bastard seemed to have read Harry's mind and made a break for it, and what amazed Harry the most was the speed in which Ivan fled with. For a big guy with all that muscle he was pretty fast.

With an obsessive baby sister like Natalya, you had better be fast.

Now for Plan _B_, which, if he really thought about it had a fifty percent chance of getting him out of there or possibly married before lunch time.

Decisions, decisions.

Well, he didn't really like the odds of Plan _B_, which would have required the use of Harry promising a "I'm not ready right now but maybe in a few years when we're older," seemed a little too dangerous to use.

So he would stand his ground, Plan _C_. Scarier then A but most likely not to end with wedding bells like _B_.

"I-i-i-i," _Way to stand your ground. Very Gryffindor of you to stutter and shake like a little girl_, he thought as he continued to speak with a broken voice. "-am very sorry to say but I don't think-"

"I do not accept that." Natalya finally spoke. Her intense iridescent eyes glimmered violet and blue and so intense were they, that Harry could not look away.

And Malfoy, from across the room laughed all the harder and had actually begun to beat the table with his hand at the loud "eep" that came from Harry's mouth. Gillian Beilschmidt, his housemate, joined in the laughter.

Why did this terrifying beautiful femme fatal have the ability to make Harry sound like a terrified prepubescent girl?

"Excuse me?"

"I do not accept your refusal. It is obvious that you find me attractive." Well yes but Harry wasn't going to mention that, besides, a majority of the male population in Hogwarts found Natalya just as attractive as she was terrifying. "And of course, I find you very attractive in all aspects, of course not just physically. You will make a fine husband."

"Yes, well you see I'm not-"

"And," She continued, blatantly ignoring him. "there is are other girls you are attracted to, other then Chang and she seems to be too preoccupied with Antonio to even notice your obsession with her."

"Now that's just uncalled for you hypocri-"

"And, there is the fact that no matter what you say, no matter what you do, we shall be žanaty."

He wasn't sure if she was behind him at first, the sounds of his own feet hitting the stone floor, the sound of his own harsh breathing was all he could hear. Well, that and the sounds of Malfoy, the entire Slytherin table and Feliks Łukasiewicz's laughter.

That is, until:

"Zamužam žanaty zamužam!"

"GO AWAY!"

Later that day, at supper time Harry would receive a letter from his father asking him to visit during the holiday break;

**_ '...son, I have so much planned for us. Your mum and I talked it over and we've decided that it would be best to get you used to the idea of having two fathers. I know Severus can be terrifying but try for me, I need help winning him over. Last week the cheeky bastard hexed me via floo connection. I was not even remotely aware one could do that. The flirt!'_**

Harry groaned. Trust his father to think whatever physically damaging blow Snape sent his way was Snape's declaration of love. If the Professor didn't kill his father before the year was out Harry would be incredibly surprised.

Incredibly, unbelievably surprised.

He read on;

_** 'You mother tells me that you have met a girl and apparently it is serious.'**_

Very serious, Natalya is a bona fide insane _possibly_ homicidal maniac, Harry thought quite amused.

_** '...so I hope you don't mind that I have taken the liberty of inviting her and her siblings over for the holiday's as well. I cannot wait to meet your future bride. **_  
><em><strong><span> -Your proud and loving father James'<span>**_

Harry passed out into his porridge. His father...was an idiot and Harry was going to be married before he even graduated. Just perfect.

* * *

><p><strong>Muse: Harry heavy for a reason also, I've had this idea of Natalya stalking Harry into marriage in my head forever, ask the awesome Black. Rose. Authoress, its all in the messages. The funny part about this chapter is that it had to be rewritten completely. There was a power shortage in the house and everything went off including the original chapter which was completely different. It started out similar to the beginning of this chapter but half way it cut to a cat fight, Lavender Brown and Feliks having a bitch fit, all told through Harry's POV obviously. It ended with Natalya just randomly appearing. I like this one better though. But the cat fight will happen soon. This chapter was pretty much filler anyway, I just wanted to write Natalya and Harry with a bit of the weirdest pairing ever. Snape and James...weird so so weird but its funny to imagine James blindly chasing someone and usually in fics he's being an idiot and getting cursed by Lily now its Snape in this version.<strong>

**I probably should have pointed out in the beginning that this was AU huh? But it's gotta be obvious by now.**

**For those of you who wanted a Lovi chapter, with her dealing with Antonio and Cho and her feelings of them going to the yule ball, its coming up soon I'm just having a lot of trouble with it.  
><strong>

**Also, if you're thinking "What the hell was Draco's deal, glaring at a cereal box?" that will hilariously be explained later. **

**Review please!**


	4. Revenge leads to accidental marriage!

**The Bad Touch Trio & The Goblet of Hilarity**

_Revenge of the Hufflepuff results in accidental marriage!_

* * *

><p><strong> ~.~.~.~<strong>

* * *

><p>-Draco Malfoy could't tell you how it happened. He could barely remember how it had all began but then this isn't too hard to believe considering the fact that Gillian Beilschmidt was intimately involved.<p>

And when Gillian did anything Draco was quick to get things over with.

Draco reasoned that there was no possible way out of this...whatever it was. He sighed, deeply disturbed by the fact that he was becoming used to pranks, used to mischief. If his father could see him now he would surely disinherit him. He pushed those thoughts away. He shook his head. He had to keep his wits about him, he needed to be alert-

"Damn it all."

-Because Draco could not remember how he had gotten into the Forbidden Forest with a literal army of Badgers. He assumed that Gillian had dragged him there in his sleep to be the most likely cause. She constantly did things like that, but why badgers? Of all things?

He glanced at the short blue/gray eyed boy from Hufflepuff with a mixture of annoyance and curiosity. He'd heard of this boy before, the teachers all seemed weary of him but to Draco, he seemed pretty harmless.

"What is this about, Kennedy?" Draco asked, ignoring Gillian's cooing as she held, in her hand, a tiny badger baby. Kennedy shuffled his feet in embarrassment.

"It's obvious that this is a prank." He said. "I need you both to help me."

"I see." He said. "Can I ask you how you managed to get a hold of a fleet of wild badger?"

"I know a guy." Kennedy simply said.

Gillian snuggled the baby badger before placing him back with the litter of babies and turned her attention to the boys. She placed her pale hands at her hips and smirked.

"Coco," she addressed Draco who was far too used to the nick name by now to complain. "do you still have that paper I gave to you this morning, the one I said to keep safe and out of sight?"

Draco nodded.

"I do," he extracted the parchment from his pocket. "I still don't see what is so important about it. Seems a bit...ordinary to me." He handed her the parchment. "What are you planning to do with this?"

"I'm planning awesome things. First off to help Leon over here and second...I'm just really curious. I wanna see how this thing works." Gillian took out her wand and waved it over the paper. Her eyes gleamed with excitement. "Mischief Managed!"

"...oh, so...it's a map?" Draco observed as the map took its form and tiny little footsteps decorated the pages. Ah, he thought, Bonnefoy is in Weasley's bed...why am I not surprised. "Where does the Hufflepuff army come in?"

It was Kennedy's turn to smile almost demonically. His eyes hardened as he looked at the map, staring at Bonnefoy's name, so close that it nearly overlapped Weasley's.

"We're just having some nice old fashioned revenge."

* * *

><p><strong>~.~.~.~<strong>

Harry was asleep and for the first time in weeks his dreams did not involve his stalker/fiance from hell. He was actually dreaming about DaDa. He was the professor, he was a wonderful instructor and his students adored him. He was married to a normal woman who didn't terrify him-

-Harry felt a sudden weight on his chest. Not too heavy maybe a few pounds more then he would have liked. He furrowed his eyebrows thinking. Should he open his eyes? Should he just pretend there was nothing there and ignore the weight in lieu of sleep? It was impossible to ignore, this weight, as it shifted slightly at his chest. Were those claws?

He opened one glittering green eye, closed it then opened it again this time accompanied with the other. His large eyebrows rose to his hairline and his mouth opened to scream but was cut off by the sudden shout of terror by Neville Longbottom.

Harry stared into the beady black eyes of the gray and black badger that stared right back at him. From his peripheral he could see Dean climbing the bed posts, nearly slipping.

And Seamus...that bastard...he was sleeping. How was he sleeping with badgers in his back, watching him?

He turned his head, slowly, to get a look at Ron and Francis. He could have laughed at what he saw. Ron had fallen over and was foaming at the mouth while beside him...

And Harry did let out a laugh at the pile of hissing badgers attacking Francis Bonnefoy, but of course the laughter was short lived due to the hissing at his ear and the shouts of the rest of perhaps Gryffindor house waking up to find themselves heavy with Badger.

Good lord.

"Someone save me..." Harry whispered as more badgers joined the first on his chest all hissing and brandishing their little claws. "Save me..." He was terrified, struck in silent terror as the beady eyes glimmered down at him. He made a silent prayer.

When Harry had given up all hope the door burst opened. Hope renewed, he smiled up at the door and then promptly fainted at the sight of his savior.

...in this case he would have preferred the rabid badgers with their tiny helmets and shields (did he forget to mention that?)

"Liubasny," Natalaya nearly cooed at him. She kicked a badgers in her path towards the pile attacking Francis and stalked towards Harry's bed. "I have come to save you."

She leaned forward and pushed off some of the offending rodents. Her eyes gleamed at Harry's prone body. She smiled darkly as she heaved his body over her shoulder and trudged towards the door. The shouts of terror and snores filled her ears as she slammed the door shut behind her.

"Let's get zamužam žanaty zamužam." She said darkly.

* * *

><p><strong>~.~.~.~<strong>

"Oh! Mail!"

"Bloody hell! Potter, how the Merlin's name did you get into my private chambers?" Severus Snape gaped at the man in front of him.

James Potter was dressed in muggle flannel pajama bottoms and nothing else. Severus's eye twitched. The bastard must have assumed he looked good. Which he did not. He thought as the half naked idiot plucked the letter from the owl's beak.

"The regular way?" James answered in question after a beat. He took a seat on the end of Severus' bed.

"It was Potter Proof!"

"But not Lily Proof," James grinned. "how else do you think I managed to get inside?"

"Some childhood friend she is...the tart." Severus shrugged out of his robes. He shrugged his shoulders feeling weary. He'd only wanted to go to bed, he'd only wanted to relax and pretend that he was not the professor to prepubescent fools.

So why was the Lord of Fools sitting at the end of his bed?

And was he...bouncing?

"Oh! Oh Sev!" James shouted. The gleeful tone told Severus that he was not going to like whatever it was that had the fool so excited.

He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, unbuttoned the first two buttons at his collar and took a seat on the chair beside his bed. He ignored Potter's bouncing and excited noises for a moment before granting the fool his attention.

"What is it, Potter?"

"Harry!" James smiled brightly, brilliantly enough that Severus thought he may go blind. "He's getting married!"

"What?"

"Harry's fiance has sent a letter! They're on their way to the ministry to elope..." James turned back to the letter. "yadda yadda yadda sapraŭdnaje kachannie...yadda yadda yadda will wait for the dzieci after graduation. Dzieci Severus...dzieci! I have no idea what that word means but I'm so excited! My boy! Married!"

"I think...though I may be wrong but I doubt it, that the Belarusian girl has kidnaped your son, intends to marry him against his will. However, on the up side of things at least she has the decency to wait until after graduation to have children."

"...grand babies!"

Potter's eyes positively glittered at the thought of grand children. Never mind the fact that his only son had been kidnaped and probably married off against his will by a sociopath. Never mind the fact that Potter JR was only fourteen years old. Lily must be in a riot over this, especially if she had also been sent a letter. Poor Lily!

Severus smiled at the thought. Revenge, oh how sweet it was.

"Oh Sev, we'll be grand daddies!"

"Pardon?"

And that was when Severus noticed the luggage at the door. Oh...oh God no! Potter had moved himself into Severus private chambers? He looked at Potter who had begun ranting about baby names, Severus felt his blood pressure rise.

Severus palm now met with his forehead, very familiar with the motion. His head flew back, his eyes misted, he became dizzy. He shut his eyes, oh the stupidity in the air, oh this had to be a dream he thought. He opened his eyes, spotted Potter, closed them again and corrected himself. A nightmare, this was a nightmare.

"Sev...?"

"What?" Severus roared.

"...why is there a badger with battle armor on the pillow?"

Severus didn't have an answer merely he pressed his palms against his tired eyes...and groaned as the badger hissed.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>~.~.~.~<strong>**

**...this was a quick update so it's probably awful. I haven't had any time to update at all, real life has been kicking my butt! ****It turned pretty James/Sev heavy but that was merely for the hilarity. And how did Gilly and company manage to get all the badgers inside the Gryff common room without anyone in the castle noticing? Hmmm...**

** Also, soon a Lovi/Tonio/Cho chapter will be up...it's just been rather difficult to write. Lovi why are you so hard to write! **

**Review please!**


	5. The one where Lovi doesn't care damn it!

**The one where Lovi doesn't care damn it!**

_Seriously she doesn't._

_**Maybe?**_

* * *

><p>Lovina Vargas muttered darkly at the scene before her. The dancing couples waltzed passed her on the dance floor, her sister and her idiot potato twirled and not far off she noted Parkinson had yet to punch Diggory in the face. She starred passed them eyes locked on a seemingly perfect and beautiful couple.<p>

Her black hair was held in a tight perfect bun. Creamy skin flushed at the perfect cheeks and dark slanted eyes glittered up at perfect emerald green eyes of the Spanish boy who danced with her. Cho Chang looked like a princess in her white shimmering robes and lightly painted face-barely there traces of makeup adorned the pretty Asian girl who would have looked even better without it.

Antonio-Tomato Bastard- had never looked more handsome in his dark suit and deep red tie. His curly hair seemed more windswept then it usually was and Lovina had to think it was because Chang continually toyed with his hair, running her perfectley manicured fingers through it. His perfect lips parted into a wide smile showing off his perfect white teeth. A single dimple at the right of his cheek appeared.

The couple twirled and Lovina almost gave into the urge to stomp her foot and scream. The idiot was supposed to be her date. Hers. Not Chang's! Not that it mattered, Lovina didn't give a hoot who Antonio was dancing with. Like hell she cared that he had walked passed her with Chang, the two smiling brightly.

Like she gave a damn that maybe she might have cried in Myrtle's bathroom because she had heard Antonio and Chang were going to the Yule Ball together. That all the girls had squealed about it that Antonio and Cho were the prefect couple. Certainly Lovina had not cared about coming alone either. Not like that she had held out some hope that Antonio would have met her at the foot of the stairs and extended his arm, smiling stupidly at her for falling for his joke.

Obviously Lovina had thought it was a joke, she had said it enough to Feli and Hannah; "That idiot wouldn't go with anyone else but me. He's too stupid to ask anyone else."

The look on Hannah's face when she had seen Antonio and Chang walk in together.

They twirled and laughed. Lovina could see why everyone said they were the perfect couple. They matched one another so very well. They were so...attractive.

Her eyes began to sting. Stupid makeup! Feli had probably put the mascara on Lovina wrong! Her sister was just so stupid sometimes. It wasn't that she was crying, no way! Why the hell would Lovina start crying at the sight of Chang and Antonio the most perfect and beautiful couple ever? Not Lovina. She didn't care...

...right?

She looked away from them and blinked hard. She didn't care. Not a bit.

Cedric dipped Parkinson and kissed her on the nose illiciting a growl that didn't quite come out as threatening as it should have. Potter hid behind a pillar as Natalia searched for him. Ivan threatened the other idiot Slytherin, Chris, who seemed oblivious to the threats coming from his Russian classmate. Chris was too busy smiling at his date Katyusha-who happened to be Ivan's older most beloved sister.

Yong Soo Im had launched himself on Draco Malfoy's back and groped at his chest sending Gillian Bullshit into her trademark cackling laughter while the boy she danced with, Leon, shook his head at the PDA.

Lovina closed her eyes again, squeezed them shut. Damn it. She was not going to cry because she was sad she was going to cry because her eyes hurt because Feli had screwed up with the makeup that was burning her eyes.

She sniffled.

Her eyes hurt too much and damn it, now people were going to think she was crying because of the Tomato Bastard and his perfect stupid date. They were going to think that her feelings were hurt and that she was heart broken and the idiot girls in love with Antonio that hated Lovina would swoop in to harass her.

Tears spilled from her eyes.

_Don't cry._

_Don't cry._

_Don't cry._

_Don't let them see you cry!_

A dark shadow eclipsed her, blocked her view of the perfect couple dancing. She looked up the dark robed chest in question. Professor Snape seemed to be standing right in front of her blocking her view from the ball and beside him the famous Quidditch player James Potter stood, staring directly at her. His hazel eyes softened.

"Ms. Vargas," Professor Snape said, deep voice strangely soothing. "I cannot help but wonder...why one of my students seems to be crying. Is anything...amiss?"

"Professor-"

"Behind that pillar," he interrupted, pointing the pillar behind her. "if you walk beyond it there is an unlocked door that leads into the great hall where, if you wish to dry your face, you can find the lavatories."

He was giving her the go ahead to leave? Weren't they all supposed to stay here? And there were bathrooms here too, over crowded by party goers but still...

_...oh!_

"Thank you."

She dipped her head, turned and fled passed the pillar and out of the door into the great hall. She wasn't going to run away from the Yule Ball, not because she was crying and sad, not because her sister was so happy and oblivious to the fact that she was sad and certainly not because she was heart broken. No, the Yule Ball was boresville. She was tired and the makeup had run into her eyes. That was all.

She made it back into her room, alone obviously. Glad to be alone. Stripping off her deep emerald dress and tossing it to the floor Lovina let out a laugh. Professor Snape and his boyfriend(right?) out of everyone in that room seemed to have seen her crying and seemed to think it was because she was sad.

Whatever. Didn't matter.

As Lovina changed into her pajama's she laughed. How silly. She wasn't sad.

She went into the large bathroom and turned on the tap. Washing her face, Lovina's reflected. _Okay_...maybe she could see why it might look like she was sad. But how hilarious was it that her knights in shinning armor had been the most terrifying Professor to have ever taught potions at Hogwarts and his hot boyfriend?

What a laugh!

She turned off the tap and stared at her reflection. Nice and clean, not a stitch of makeup. So what that she wasn't as pretty as Chang. No one was as pretty as Chang.

She dried off her face with a towel as she walked back into the room. Still alone. It would be near midnight before anyone else came in, probably.

As Lovina settled herself into bed she realized that now, along with the pain in her eyes that her chest and belly hurt. Maybe she was coming down with something.

So because she was alone Lovina let herself cry. Because her eyes hurt, not because she was sad.

And certainly not because she realized that Antonio was probably going to fall in love with Chang and that he would realize that all those years chasing Lovina had been a monumental mistake.

* * *

><p>-<br>The next morning during first period potions class, Professor Snape was welcomed by a shinny red apple on his desk.

* * *

><p><strong>So anyone else ever have something similar like this happen. You say no to a guy you kinda like and then...wam! There he is with someone else who happens to be very very pretty?<strong>

**Sucks. Poor Lovi.**

**And Snape saving her? Well...he probably sympathized. I mean, its probably well known that Tonio asked Lovi out tons of times and you'd have to be an idiot (or Tonio) not to realize that Lovi likes him back. Its something similar to the SnapeLilyJames thing. Except well...it might be a LilySnapeJames thing? I'm not sure how that triangle went-still working on those particular kinks.**

**Anyway, not my best but Lovi's really difficult to write.**

**And yes, the Slytherin with Katyusha being threatened by Ivan is Chris Redfeild.**

**Reviews please! No flames.**


	6. Revenge is a dish best served awesome!

**Revenge is a dish best served awesome!**  
><strong>Part 1<strong>

**`~.~.~.`**

* * *

><p>There was an <em>apple<em> on his desk.

A gleaming red apple with a note beneath it. Severus knew that when he picked up the apple and read the note that it would be from Lovina Vargas. The girl in question did not look up from her cauldron nor did she pay any sort of attention from the gossiping curious students who stared at the apple like it may be some sort of prank. He knew she would not. No. Lovina Vargas didn't say thank you's quite often and certainly not twice to the same person.

This second thank you was much appreciated. It was a way of saying; _"thanks but lets not dwell on the reasoning behind it please,"_ his favorite thank you thus far in life. He hated verbal thanks, loud happy thanks, somber thanks and-he shuddered- the sexy James Potter thanks that entailed candles, silk red sheets and too much nudity (but Severus had to admit, hexing James Potter because of those thanks had to be one of the most hilarious and exhilarating things he'd ever done in his life.)

As he glared at the students a thought suddenly occurred to him. Lovina Vargas wasn't speaking. This wasn't right. Lovina Vargas was usually one of the more talkative students he'd had that year from Hufflepuff, beating Diggory (if that were possible.)

He gave the pretty Hufflepuff a momentary glance. Something wasn't right with Lovina Vargas and it had nothing to do with the travesty of the Yule Ball the night before.

"So did you hear?" A Ravenclaw fourth year whispered loudly, glancing at Lovina through her lashes. "I heard that Antonio Fernandez asked Cho Chang to be his girlfriend."

"You're lying? Really?" Another Ravenclaw asked full of excitement. She bounced in her seat, pretty brown curls bobbing. "Well that's good, seems like Fernandez is finally seeing sense."

The girls both giggled and stared at Lovina to gage her reaction. There had been none. They looked away and continued to gossip while a nervous Hannah Abbot shot Lovina a glance waiting for the inevitable blow up to happen...

...and it never did.

_Huh,_ Severus thought, _now that is indeed strange._

Lovina Vargas sat quietly and allowed a quip to pass her by. That never happened.

Severus shrugged. What business was it of his?

He glanced at Vargas again noting her demure expression as she stirred the contents of her cauldron she seemed almost surreal and angelic and...

_Oh_ that was it.

Severus nearly grinned. He'd seen this before with Lily while in school. How was it that old saying went; "Beware a woman scorned?"

He shook his head, wondering what exactly Lovina Vargas had planned up her sleeve.

* * *

><p>-<br>Ivan glanced at the Hufflepuff table warily. Should he or shouldn't he? He decided, with a great sigh, that he may have to just get it over with and so he stood, causing Feliks to giggle up at him. Of course the idiot would giggle up at him, perfectly aware of what Ivan just _had_ to do.

The Russian boy was very protective of his friends and after last nights Yule Fiasco and Lovina's crying the morning after, Ivan just knew that he had to do the unthinkable. Well the unthinkable thing that Feliks had suggested, anyway, there was no way Ivan or Lovina would have come up with it themselves but Feliks, ever the sneaky and cunning Slytherin loved causing a stir and had decided on a brilliant course of revenge. Ivan remembered how it had gone that morning, walking into the great hall to Lovina's silent sobbing and Feliks' harping.

"Like girl, you need to make him like apologize. He made you look all dumb and stuff walking in with her. Her? Like ew! I mean, did you see those robes last night? Okay like I'm not like a bitch or anything just perfectly honest and like I'm honestly gonna say that her robes totally did not hide the fact that she totes needs to get a facial cuz ew with the greasy face! You're totes like prettier then she is!"

"You think so?"

"Like totally sweetie! You are like hot stuff to the maxx! Any guy would be lucky to be with you and like I'm sorry, but Tonio isn't the ripest tomato on the vine! Maybe he like got hit in the head and decided he liked ugly girls now cuz like she is so EW!" Feliks, ever the girl (which he was not) hugged Lovi tightly. "You like need to get back at him cuz that was just so wrong!"

And then Feliks had noticed Ivan at the doorway and something clicked behind his green eyes making Ivan wish he'd just stayed in bed.

And here he was, having made the short walk and now sitting at the Hufflepuff table between Feli and Lovi he let out a deep and troubled sigh. He looked up and caught Feliks eye. He nodded.

Time to get the show on the road, as they say and while Ivan may be a Slytherin he wasn't exactly this _sort_ of cunning, but looking at the Ravenclaw table and seeing Antonio and Cho sitting so close together it just solidified something in him. He was disappointed in Antonio, he really thought that the Spanish boy valued Lovina's rather unique displays of affection.

Oh well.

He leaned close to Lovina and lightly kissed her cheek causing the Italian girl to stifle a gasp and pull away. He wrapped his arm around her wait and leaned close to her ear. Anyone watching (actually the entire great hall was watching in silent anticipation) would assume he was nuzzling her, but he was whispering to her, softly.

"Don't panic. We must make it look natural, da? Now, I am going to get cozy with you right here and I need you to play along."

She nodded and produced one of the most fake giggles he'd ever heard from her mouth. He was sure that if Lovina giggled more often that someone would catch that this giggle was fake, but as Lovina usually scowled and yelled no one suspected a thing. He chanced a side glance at the Ravenclaw table and stifled a giggle himself.

Antonio had gone paper white pale in shock.

So that meant Ivan was doing good job, da?

Emboldened by Antonio's reaction, Ivan began to lightly kiss Lovina's cheek and nuzzle her neck. He heard something break but he didn't look. He had to stifle a giggle when Lovina, amused greatly as well as embarrassed by the PDA whispered; "he just bent his goblet."

"This is good da?

"Chigi...now he's turning purple!"

He let himself giggle outright this time. This was so fun! How could he have thought that this would be awkward. So what if he has to be in an uncomfortable situation with Lovina? He was helping her get revenge and it was just hugging and kissing on the cheek. This was nothing!

He heard a loud slam and looked up. There was a distinct missing chunk of the Ravenclaw table where Antonio had been sitting. Now Ivan was annoyed. He had wanted to see the look on Antonio's face, he had wanted to witness the pure jealous rage.

He chanced a look at Feliks and almost smiled as Feliks waved a camera. Perfect. Now Ivan would have more pictures to add to his album along with the others. Maybe if he were lucky he could get to see Antonio's troubled expression in real life.

"It worked." Ivan said pulling away from Lovina. He stood, noting how silent the great hall seemed to have become, and smiled down at his now avenged friend. He pat her head. "This was fun, da?"

* * *

><p><strong>Muse: Ah I didn't plan on updating this quickly but the idea of revenge just stuck with me plus I wanted Feliks to be introduced because <em>like who doesn't totally like think he's fabulous to the maxx!<em>**

**Ivan played into this perfectly although a majority of you will be confused as to why he and Lovi are friends. Only Black Rose will get it but that's because there was a message about Ivan meeting Feli and Lovi and becoming friends so I'll give my own version of the what's and the whys. Short version, he met them as kids one winter and they became friends. Feli quicker then Lovi because...this is Lovi and Lovi isn't the easiest person to befriend. Just sort of endeared the girls to him and by proxy his sisters. Ivan's scary so he doesn't have many friends thus the reason he agreed to flirte so shamelessly with Lovi to get Tonio jealous. Plus, who else would have had the balls to try to piss Tonio off?**

**Also, thanks for the reviews also, got some messages but I can't seem to answer any of them for some reason I can't see what you all sent. This site...sometimes it angers me...**

**and I know there will be confusion as to why it started with Snape but it makes sense if you pay close attention since the previous chapter ended with the apple Lovi left on Snape's desk it only made sense to start the next chapter at that spot. Also, the fact that Snape realized that Lovi was plotting something or rather something was already plotted by Feliks who convinced Ivan and Lovi to go along...I sum it up to this. Lily's got a bit of the tsundere in her and Sev as her best friend has loads of experience. I wonder how many times he's pretended to be Lily's boyfriend as a method of revenge.**

**I'll just let that toil for a bit. Might even write it up as a one shot. Makes me laugh at how funny it would seem-though its in my head. Weird.**


	7. Choose Your Team!

**Harry Potter and the Goblet of Hilarity**

_**¤*¨¨*¤.¸¸ ...¸.¤\**_  
><em><strong>\ <span>Your Team<span> HERE!\**_

_**..\¤*¨¨*¤.¸¸ ...¸.¤\**_

_**`~.~.~.`**_

* * *

><p>He was tired of it. Really really tired of the glares and growls. He was tired of the howlers every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He was tired of the death threats during transfiguration and potions and what he was most tired of was being used as a human shield or thrown down the stairs or across the hall as a means of an easy getaway.<p>

Toris Lorinaitis was just plain_ tired_ of Harry Potter.

How many times must one apologize before they are forgiven? It had happened so long ago that Toris was not even sure what it was that he had exactly done. Here and there, snippets of the accident would come about in his nightmares but when he woke they would be gone. He felt guilty about it, not remembering something that was so horrible that it made Harry Potter, possibly one of the nicest guys in Gryffindor, go red with homicidal rage.

Toris felt really guilty about it.

Well, until days like today in the medical wing. Like clockwork Toris greeted Pomfrey, showed her his latest injuries (this time some singed eyebrows and a nasty footprint across his face) before laying back on what could now be considered his own personal cot.

"Must be tough, da ze," he heard a familiar voice from the cot across him. Yong Soo smiled brightly and waved and Toris had to stifle the laughter that nearly bubbled up at the sight of Yong Soo's missing teeth. "What did Harry do this time?"

"He threw me into Natalia during a Quidditch game."

"Ouch, da ze. Harry really likes to throw revenge at you!"

"Yes, though I suppose it was a bit more of a safety mechanism than revenge at this point. He pulled me right out of the stands and threw me one armed, through the air right into Natalia's broom. She was not even part of the game! I'm shocked to be alive."

"Tough, da ze." Yong Soo said before smirking. "By the way, did you know that safety mechanism's originated in Korea?"

"...so anyway, Yong Soo, why are you here?"

The Korean boy tilted his head just so in thought. Was he confused as to why he was in the medical wing? Toris thought that maybe this time Draco had hit him with something very big and very heavy. It wouldn't be the first time, he thought amused, Draco had long ago forgone hexes in lieu of just violently pelting whatever hard and heavy object he could find at Yong Soo.

"Well there was a rumble in the great hall. A vicious and epic battle and rather unfortunately, one I walked right in to..."

And so, Toris lay back against the plush pillow and readied himself for a rather long and possibly boring story of how Yong Soo lost his two front teeth.

* * *

><p>.~.~.<p>

Draco Malfoy ran clear across the great hall, ducked under the Weasley Twins linked arms and jumped over the Gryffindor table in his haste to get as far away as possible from Yong Soo this Friday, the worse Friday ever to befall any Friday of all time. Also known the _Anniversary of the Day Yong Soo decided that Draco Malfoy would one day become his wife_.

His _wife_? How dare he?

Gillian's trickling laughter (or grating guffaw) over the whole situation did not help ease the ire that bubbled up to the surface of Draco's mind although it did prove to distract Yong Soo enough for Draco to make his escape and definitely for enough time for Leon Kennedy to cast a jelly-legs jinx at the Korean mad man.

_Bless him_, Draco thought, _bless that tiny little Hufflepuff sod!_

Draco would have to make sure to get Francis Bonnefoy landed into the hospital wing with some sort of pulsing burning boils as a thank you to Kennedy.

_I really should actually_, Draco thought as he ran down the length of the table and made a bee line towards the large doors, _that is exactly what I will do. A nice thank you gift, Bonnefoy with boils on his pretty little face and a swollen tongue. I will get Weasley for good measure-its the least I can do for Kennedy._

In all of his plotting, Draco missed the hushed angered voices from the other side of the large closed doors. He slid them opened, squeezed between the small opening and then shut them securely. Turning around with a smile on his face he was met with the most terrifying glares he had ever received.

And suddenly Yong Soo's overly amorous sexual harassment and chest grabbing didn't seem quite as terrifying.

They looked down on Draco who suddenly felt very _very_ short (he wasn't, not by a long run he was actually quite tall thank your very much) so he cowered just so. The eyes, one set glittering violet and the other piercing green (not at all like Potter's which were always light and warm unlike the piercing Avada Kedavra green he was currently staring into,) pulled a strange sort of anguished squeak from Draco's vocal cords.

Antonio Fernandez Carriedo (or Carriedo Fernandez, Draco always forgot) turned his attention away from Draco first only slightly easing the fear of imminent death. The other gaze hardened on Draco for a fraction of a moment before the owner of the gaze lifted his large cold hand and clasped him on the shoulder.

Draco's internal thoughts at that one terrifying moment are as follows;

_Merlin, I am going to die!_

_I am too young and too privileged and too handsome to die!_

_Braginski and Fernandez-or-Carriedo-which-ever-comes-before-the-bloody-other, they are going to murder me!_

But Draco was not murdered, no, Draco was only asked one question, one terrifying soul destroying question that would haunt him until he died or rather until something else as equally terrifying happened to him which, in the likely case may be soon. One was not left unscathed and without terror when they _associated_ with Gillian Beilschmidt for nothing.

"Draco will be answering this question, da." It was a statement, not the question. Braginski didn't need to ask whether Draco would answer his question because...Draco doubted he would have a choice in the matter with Ivan holding him so securely in place.

Draco let out a squeak which seemed to please Ivan who smiled kindly and nodded.

"Good." Ivan, whose glare had softened the longer he stared at Draco hardened instantly the moment they turned back to Antonio. There was a slight crease at the corner of Ivan's eyes and suddenly there was a tick at his jaw as though he were grinding his teeth.

Antonio looked much the same except his eyes were trained on the cobblestone and his handsome face looked almost void apart from the tick of his jaw, not as broad as Ivan's but equally as tensed.

Suddenly, Draco felt the fear leave him. Something began to dawn on him once he looked at both his upperclassmen. Ivan and Antonio had never been incredibly close bordering on neutral territories, as it were, both were close to the Vargas sisters and from what Gillian told him, both boys didn't interact in order to keep the peace for the girls. And again, it suddenly occurred to Draco that what was going on had very much to do with the Vargas sisters or in fact just the loud and angry one.

_This was probably about the other day_, Draco thought, that has got to be it. _They must be fighting about it_.

He doubted that he was wrong.

"Draco," Ivan asked with his soft a melodious voice, the kind that reminded Draco of slick glimmering oil over a smooth surface before someone set it a blaze with a match, sent the boy instantly on edge. It was the calm before the storm, that voice, and it seemed rather then a storm what Draco would witness with his answer may just erupt into a full blown tornado. "Do you think I make Lovina happy?"

Ah, there it was, the question. It seemed simple but it wasn't. No way. Draco would have to think about this very very carefully. If this had been asked by, lets say, Potter inquiring about the happiness he and Granger shared as a way to make a point to Weasley then perhaps Draco would answer quickly without thought and with a scathing comment. He could not afford to answer without thought with these two.

This would take some time and consideration. He did not know Antonio or Ivan all that well and from the snippets from Lovina Vargas to Feliciana who told Gillian which Draco overheard once or twice...well...Draco didn't have a particularly good opinion of either. Lovina constantly complained about Antonio who was now, possibly dating Cho Chang and Gillian herself often moaned about how much Ivan was a cold hearted snake tongue bastard that should die a _thousandfold_.

So this question itself was difficult because he barely knew the entirety of the situation or those involved.

He took a moment to think about it, letting the fear ebb away as he began to think about the times he had seen the girl with either of the boys alone. She often glared and hit Antonio but there was a softness to it, like light teasing and almost a flirtatious lit to her voice. It had not occurred in a while since Chang had sunk her claws into Antonio which is when Ivan _swooped_ in after the Yule Ball.

With Ivan, that one uncomfortable morning in the great hall when he had caused a din of silence with the girl, Draco could see shock on her face at first and then suddenly a calm washed over her, as though it were perfectly natural to be with the sociopath. Nothing to fear, a gentle smile she accepted his nuzzling and there was a friendliness there an understanding.

All in all Draco came to a conclusion and knew that the moment he said his answer that he had better make some sort of a run.

Because, from observations Draco had made, Antonio had not made Lovina Vargas happy in a while.

"Well, yes. From what I witness I think you make her very happy."

It was instantaneous.

Antonio's fist landed squarely to Ivan's jaw sending the Russian's boys upper half back with a slight jolt. His head snapped back with a sickening crack and his hand, the one that had held Draco there suddenly pushed Draco back hard enough so that he fell hard to the floor. The moment after, Draco realized, why.

Ivan pulled himself quickly after Draco fell, back into a standing position, blood gleaming at the corner of his mouth and a dark bruise already blooming at his jaw. Ivan's fist landed squarely at Antonio's chest, knocking the wind out of him before he could move.

Antonio fell back to the floor hard before Ivan lifted his foot and stomped on his chest. Antonio let out a sickening garbled cry before pulling Ivan's leg and hauling him onto the floor knocking the wind out of him as well. It took them a moment to catch their breath and right as they calmed Antonio sat up only the be punched again, only this time in the face, by Ivan who climbed on top of him, straddling his waist.

They grappled, they wrestled, they bit, they spat and they punched.

Draco wondered why there had been no magic involved at all.

_Maybe it felt better for Muggleborns to fight bare knuckle than with magic?_

The fighting shifted closer to Draco who, too late realized that Antonio's fist was coming his way after Ivan ducked.

Draco had only ever been hit once, and by Granger of all people. It had hurt quite a bit but the bruise left quickly and the pain had ended soon after the hit turning into a buzzing annoying sting.

Antonio's fist to the face felt like...Draco's skull exploded and all at once every sort of pain he had ever felt came back to him, focusing on his bloody and now broken nose.

"Dios mio, Draco, Lo sient-"

A sudden war cry broke the scuffle apart and soon Ivan and Antonio were overcome by a flurry of wild, shockingly strong fists belonging to one very angry very irritable and very murderous Korean.

* * *

><p>~.~.~<p>

"And that's what happened, da ze!" Yong Soo said with a slight whistle. Toris, who had been sure he would fall asleep found himself sitting up quite interested and slightly...perplexed.

"Wait, how did you know that they were fighting about Lovina if you only came out to fight at the very end? Honestly, had it been a mistake when Antonio hit Malfoy in the face, then why did you fight knowing that it had nothing to do with him only that he had been in the wrong place at the wrong time?"

There was a moment of silence before Yong Soo answered with slight embarrassment. He pointed to the two cots, covered by curtains for privacy at either side of him. "Well, they sort of explained after, da ze."

The curtain at Toris right was pushed back revealing a very irritable Draco Malfoy. He had two black eyes (more purple and green than black) and a very bruised and swollen nose. He glared at the Korean and then at Toris.

"Wrong place and the wrong time indeed, although, none of this would have even happened if not for this blistering sodding bloody infuriating fool!" He pointed his now watery glare at the toothless Korean who waved across the aisle. "And those other two idiots, brain dead Neanderthals, all of them!"

"That was quite a mouthful Draco." The curtain to Yong Soo's left was pushed opened slowly to reveal a very bruised and battered Ivan Braginski. Toris heart nearly stopped the moment he had seen him. Had it really been that long since Toris was in his company for the literal spike of terror to run up his spine so quickly? "One would assume that you are saying fighting words to us."

Draco Malfoy rolled his eyes and made a very inappropriate gesture with his hands which caused the person behind the other curtain to let out a very friendly laugh. The curtain was pulled back quickly by a very battered but incredibly amused Antonio who winced once his grin widened enough to reopen his cut fat lip. His left eye was red (burst blood vessel probably) and one of his ears had dried blood. He seemed to be the most battered out of all of them.

Toris realized that Yong Soo came out the most unscathed (the loss of two front teeth due to Ivan accidentally hitting him with the heel of his boot). He took in the information to be thought more about later with horror in the privacy of his dorm.

"Lo siento mucho, amigo." Antonio apologized with a shrug as Draco leveled his gaze at the Ravenclaw. "You have to admit that this was all pretty funny!"

"Which bloody part you prat?"

"Well the part about Yong Soo." Antonio answered. "¿Quién hubiera pensado, Yong Soo ...he actually beat us up!"

Ivan let out a chuckle, not the kind that promised pain later (like the ones Toris had been used to, but the kind that seemed infectious and gentle.

"Da. This is true." He said. "Yong Soo is surprisingly strong."

They joined together in a laugh all accept Draco Malfoy who took a seat on the chair resting beside Toris' bed. He seemed to be confused, Toris thought.

"Why are they laughing," the blonde began to ask seemingly to himself. "if they were moments from killing each other? Muggleborns are so..._strange_."

Toris had to agree. Of course, he had always been surrounded by Muggleborns himself, one could not be friend with Feliks and not go out to Muggle shopping centers without meeting a befriending a few along the way, like Granger, for example and on unfortunate occasions, Ivan Braginski. Although, Toris had never seen a fight that didn't require magic before. But these muggleborns...they had beaten each other to near pulp and from the story it seemed like they had hated each other.

So why did they seem so friendly now? Had they somehow come to an understanding as they came to blows? Had all the anger been let out the moment blood had been drawn? From the story it seemed like wands had not been drawn or even considered by them for the fight. How...strange.

He voiced his thoughts and Draco agreed.

"Not a duel no, bloody fist-cuffs. They have magic at their disposal and they decide to fight bare handed...bloody mudbloods..." The blond muttered.

The infirmary door slammed opened suddenly ending the bubbling laughter. Yong Soo looked up at caught sight of who Toris was positive was standing in the doorway. The Korean Gryffindor shut his curtain and Toris did the same, of course, this was obvious and none of his business. He heard Draco Malfoy sigh loudly and follow suit. He did not want to become involved.

Lovina Vargas walked across the room toward the two upperclassmen. Both had the nerve to appear shamed and embarrassed as they turned their gazes towards the closed curtain thinking the same exact thing "the traitors!"

The tiny Hufflepuff looked down on both boys with a glare and her tiny hands on his shapely hips with a scowl on her pretty face.

"So, I _heard_ the story," She said with an equally deadly voice. "And I have one thing to say..."

Ivan and Antonio both winced sure that one of them was going to get it. Ivan figured that he might as well get it over with, let Lovina yell and hit him because he wasn't actually her boyfriend in all this farce and of course, she was in love with Antonio. He wasn't supposed to beat up the boy that his friend loves and wants to get even with. He was just supposed to pretend to be Lovina's boyfriend. Somehow everything had gotten so complicated.

"You idiota!"

Ivan lifted his head ready to take a punch with her tiny fists like a man, only...to be shocked silly into seeing Lovina smack Antonio clear across the face. His violet eyes were opened wide and trained on Antonio's shocked expression. He suddenly felt as though he were nosing in on someone else's business and one look from Lovi's wet eyes told him that he should scoot back and close the curtain to give them privacy.

And that is exactly what he did.

Antonio's expression changed from shocked to confused. He looked up at Lovina and instantly felt like holding her. Her small frame shook and her eyes were red and swollen. She had been crying, he realized, crying for a while. How had he not noticed when she walked into the infirmary? Oh, of course he was laughing and plotting to kill her stupid Russian boyfriend thats what. That coward had even closed the curtain to hide. What kind of a man hides from Lovi, he should feel lucky to be hit by Lovina. Antonio always took her abuse like a kiss.

And suddenly he was off kilter as realization dawned on him. He was up and holding her in a second holding tighter as she pushed against his bare shoulders trying not to press on the wrappings over his injured chest.

"You...you HAD your chance stupid! You are not allowed to hit my friend just because someone says he makes me happy! What would _Cho _think if she heard that story, you bastard!" She shouted.

His arms slid downward and he took a step back.

_Wait._

_Wait..._

_What?_

"Why does Cho have to know anything? Its none of her business."

And the moment it came out of his mouth Lovina Vargas, who didn't particularly hit hard, punched Antonio Fernandez Carriedo (or any other variation of the name) squarely in the face causing him to black out instantly.

"Dannato idiota! Of course she should know?"

As Lovina stomped out of the infirmary four white crisp curtains slowly slid opened. The four boys, two Slytherin's, a Gryffindor and a Ravenclaw, stared at the prone body that lay bleeding at the nose, on the cold tiled ground.

"She hits really hard, da ze." Yong Soo said in amazement.

"Not really." Ivan said while poking Antonio's side with his wand. "A woman scorned is very strong and Antonio is such a pig."

Draco nodded in agreement.

"Not that I care for Chang but really, he's dating her, gets into a fight with a bloke over a _different_ girl and then has the stones to actually tell the other girl that his own girlfriend doesn't need to know about it-well not in those words but that was the basic statement."

"No it wasn't, da ze." Yong Soo said.

"What?"

"Cho Chang isn't dating Antonio." Toris answered.

"They're friends, obviously, da ze."

"Oh...well _this_ was entirely pointless then." Draco said quietly after an awkward moment.

Ivan sat silently with a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

How would he tell Lovina about this? None of their charade had been needed, all of the time pretending and goading had been for nothing. He suddenly felt anxious. She would not take this well at all.

"Well," he said, "this is going to be hard to explain, da?"

* * *

><p>.~.~.<p>

_Muse:_

_Well, don't you all just love misunderstandings? If you're confused I say venture to chapter one after the Cedric Pansy bit where Cho basically tells Tonio to go to the Yule Ball with her that it will give Lovi incentive._

_Well not so much incentive as revenge and poor Ivan gets dragged into it. But gotta give credit where credit is due, Ivan did a helluva job with getting Tonio jealous. "Do I make her happy" indeed. Poor Draco got caught at the wrong place wrong time (as per usual) and now you learn about the Yong Soo bit-it will be explained in hilarious detail._

_And for those of you who think I was picking on a particular character or are going to be upset because well the entire situation is unfair to the boys and maybe Lovi should have been more honest or maybe Tonio should have just tried harder or even, he should have gone stag to the Yule instead of going with Cho. I'm not being unfair. I'm kinda hoping to hear your thoughts on this sticky situation. Tonio shouldn't have gone with Cho and wouldn't had she not talked him into it. Lovi should have caved and said yes to him in the first place. Tonio should have just stayed persistent. Ivan should have never agreed to pretending to be her boyfriend. Feliks should have minded his business (yeah, right, like that was really going to happen!) Lots of stuff to consider. What are your thoughts?_

_What'd you think of the fighting scene? I did my best I really did, I just kinda laughed it up as I wrote it because that fight was just so...brutal._

_Anyone a little annoyed that I didn't explain why Harry hates Toris? Yeah, I was going to come up with some elaborate thing or rather I know what happened and I was going to let the story out but...I just couldn't yet. I will say this, lucky for Harry they eventually grew back and the crippling fear of butterfly's will go away...eventually. Be ready to read Toris abuse because I'm bringing back some Harry/Natalia stuff which means Toris will be there as the human shield (the poor bugger.)_

_Did they get married?_

_Well you'll just have to wait for the upload._

_Reviews please I love love those and it makes it so much easier to update! No flames, I'll just use those to roast marshmallows!_


	8. Tough being 'puff! ByeBye Cherry Pie!

**The Bad Touch Trio & the Goblet of Hilarity**

_Disclaimer: Muse wishes but does not own Harry Potter or Hetalia or Nyotalia and now, to add to the disclaimer, Supernatural is not mine. No, I do not own Castiel, Chibi, Hufflepuff or otherwise (but he'd be so loved and full of HUGS if he was mine...)_

_**It's Tough being Hufflepuff!**_

_**~.~**_

* * *

><p>Leon Kennedy, to the core, was Hufflepuff. This did not bother him. He was quite content for being known as a loyal and hard working person. Besides, sometimes he could even appreciate being easily ignored-especially the Gryffindors' who were notorious for getting into all sorts of trouble (he bore witness to the Weasley twins latest escapades due to sheer boredom and still twitched whenever he looked at the Giant Squid).<p>

But today, of all days Leon Scott Kennedy hated the fact that he was Hufflepuff, and the reason why really came down to this-because he was small and unassuming and sporting the yellow and gold, the notorious Slytherin three (having once leaned on Draco Malfoy as its leader but apparently not anymore) composing of Blaise Zabini with his ridiculously pursed lips and Crabbe and Goyle (who need no introduction they are, as Leon has come to know, your standard cliche school bullies, big and stupid and burly) had deccided that screwing with Hufflepuff's was their job.

_Joy._

Castiel Singer, a fellow Hufflepuff even smaller than Leon, tilted his head cutely to the side and stared up at the Idiotic Three in mild curiosity before his impossibly large blue eyes slid towards Leon in silent question; "What_ is this_," (a right bullying) "who_ are they_" (three self important idiots) "What_ is that smell_" (Crabbe and Goyle's stench or Zabini's pungent after shave?).

"May we help you?" Castiel, still with head cutely tilted, asked in an impossibly adorable voice (as adorable as deadpan can be).

Blaise sneered at them with all the distaste that Leon had in his mouth after testing potions in Snape's class. "Loitering round the corridors like bloody walking targets. Stupid Hufflepuff's."

"Targets are mostly, from what I have seen, circular and usually red and white. I am afraid you are mistaken." Castiel righted his head, dark mop of messy black hair to fall into his large eyes as he spoke.

Leon bit his lip to hold a laugh. Castiel might have seemed sarcastic _might_ have been sarcastic had he been someone else, which made it all the more hilarious because he was completely and _totally_ sincere.

The look on Zabini's face reminded Leon of what one may look like after swallowing Goblin piss and Leon would know (he'd pranked Francis and Weasley similarly not too long ago-both had been sick to their stomachs the moment they'd tried to eat or drink anything. Their mouths cursed to taste nothing but troll droppings for an entire month. A wild success in Leon and Draco's opinion who had the brilliant idea to begin with.)

"Oh, think you're so smart, do you Singer?"

"Yes. In fact, I am very intelligent." Castiel answered.

Leon chuckled, earning himself a dark glare from Blaise while Crabbe and Goyle simply stared off into the distance probably imagining supper and what they would eat when the time came. Leon coughed into his fist and straightened himself, trying to look Blaise in the eye (but Leon wasn't tall enough only meeting eye to collarbone).

"Just walking to the library. Didn't know we were bothering anyone by being easy targets...and by the way, easy targets for you usually constitute as first years and Castiel and I aren't first years so-"

"Are you patronizing me, Kennedy?"

"Making a point. Just a point." Leon shrugged.

Blaise right hand twitched, his wand hand, Leon noted with some form of nervousness. He didn't want to draw wands unless he had to, and usually without an audience. Castiel didn't need to see Leon hex anyone (and boy, could Leon do a lot of damage when he was put in a corner) so, while Blaise hand twitched Leon stepped back, grabbed Catiels' wrist and turned his back on the trio. A stupid move maybe, if Blaise decided to strike at Leon and Castiel's back, but then he might not coming to the conclusion that Leon and Castiel were cowards-Blaise was stupid that way. Everyone, Blaise imagined, was a coward if they didn't stand up to him.

"Walking away, Duffer?" Blaise voice rang down the hall. "Afraid of the big bad Slytherin? Coward!"

"Leon?" Castiel asked as Leon's grip tightened on his wrist. Castiel, for his part, seemed remarkably calm for someone who knew second hand about Leon's vile and often deadly temper (Dean, a Gryffindor fourth year, had waxed poetically all the ways Leon had transfigured Ronald Weasley's bedding into a cornucopia of horrors for a week.)

"Its fine Castiel. I don't feel like fighting them its beneath us. Lets just go-"

"Are you running to Bonnefoy? Didn't he _dump_ you for a Weasley!"

"..."

Castiel isn't sure exactly how it happened. One minute Leon is telling him that fighting is beneath him and the next moment, Blaise Zabini is squealing like a frightened woman, turned upside down sans trousers wearing ridiculously feminine undergarments (later Lovina Vargas- a fellow Hufflepuff who seemed patient enough with Castiel to explain things to him that no one is willing to even breech-will explain why thongs on men are just plain wrong, especially with floral unicorn prints) while Leon is shrieking what sounds like;

"HE DID **NOT** DUMP ME!"

Followed by awkward silence before Leon says;

"WE ARE **NOT** A COUPLE!"

"Lord in Heaven," Castiel mumbles. "-it is tough being Hufflepuff."

Leon, with wand pointed at a now yellow and black Zabini, growls in agreement.

~.~

* * *

><p>Dean Winchester strolled into the hospital wing sporting a broken nose, a bruised cheek and possibly a few broken bones, having had the misfortune to step in and attempt to stop Antonio Fernandez and Ivan Braginski from murdering each other. In retrospect, he should have known better. He was fourth year and puny in comparison to Antonio with his springy muscle and Ivan's bulging biceps, but hey, they were interrupting Dean's lunch and worse yet, had destroyed Dean's cherry pie (let it be mourned, Dean had nearly wept at its demise by Antonio's head being slammed onto the plate) so Dean had exacted revenge.<p>

Sort of.

With his face, apparently.

Madam Pomfrey took one look at him, clucked her tongue in distaste as she pointed towards one of the opened beds. He winked at the matron. "Well hello to you too Poppy. How are we this fine Friday afternoon?"

Pomfrey's eyes narrowed into shrewd black slits, the beginning of a headache blooming.

Dean did this.

**Every**. **Single**. **Time**.

"Not a word! Go, sit down and wait for treatment!"

"Not a word, then hows about a song? Anything." Dean smiled in what he must have thought was seductive (he had all the appearance of someone with bad gas though, but its the thought that counts and woe to Poppy when he grows into that insufferable smirk). "I hear I got the voice of an angel."

The glare Pomfrey granted was, this time, enough to get Dean to stop his flirting-for now. He put his hand up, palm facing outward in surrender as he took to pro offered cot. Across his cot, Dean caught sight of Weasley red hair and freckles. Took him a moment to figure out that it was Ginny-she'd been spelled to look fat apparently and the glower she'd granted Dean made her jaw turn stubborn reminding him of her older twin brothers.

He looked away, stifling laughter at Ginny's sour expression, taking the image of her to be laughed at and teased with merciless pleasure later. His gaze came upon Feliciana Vargas, a Hufflepuff with large doe eyes and the cutest face he had ever seen. Dean, ever the ladies man (and despite his horrible injuries) sauntered towards her, sat on the chair beside her cot and smiled (despite missing a tooth).

"Ve~ oh Dean, what happened! Are you okay? You don't look okay you look really hurt! What happened, ve~?" Feliciana's voice pierced Dean's ears making them ring. Despite the large bruise on her forehead and the the bandaged wrist, she seemed well enough to grasp at Dean's shirt front and lightly shake him.

"Hey! Whoa Feli! Relax!" His hands landed on hers, loosening their hold on him. "Chill, its cool! Just got in a fight is all. No permanent damage." He grinned. "What about you? You okay?"

"Ve~..." Her eyes shifted to the side a blush gracing her adorable face. Dean always did like her best, out of the two Vargas girls. "well, Ivan and Tonio were fighting so-"

"Aw Feli, you got in the middle?" Dean asked so shocked that the flirtatious till to his voice was lost and replaced by profound concern. Feli just did that to people. "Not you too."

"Ve~ you to? You tried to stop them from hurting each other?"

"Hell no!"

"Ve~?"

"It was revenge." Dean squirmed at the curious look on Feli's face after he'd said this. "They murdered my pie. Squashed it during a fight. I don't care about people fighting if it has nothing to do with Sammy or Cas-not Jo cause she can kick ass all by herself so I don't gotta worry- most times I like to watch fighting. They just got my pie, and I was really looking forward to that pie, just came outta potions and Snape rid my ass straight to hell and back. That pie woulda made my day a helluva lot better but they squished it and then...they deserved to die."

It might have been the fact that he'd said this with a straight face, all serious not a bit of joking tone in his voice. Or maybe it was because he'd looked her right in the eye, holding her hands like a sort of proclamation of feelings (if you stood far away enough that's what it looked like, a glorified confession at least that's what Ginny would later say). Whatever it was or however it was, Feliciana giggled, loudly and Dean, having heard his own words, replaying them, groaned. He'd never felt like such a tool.

For pie.

"Its not funny."

"It is a little funny."

Dean's lower lip jutted outward (he did not pout, he will deny it till the day he dies). He made a grunting sound and glowered, dark green eyes shifting towards the ground, freckles sprinkled across his nose lost in the flush that overtook them. Feli rolled her eyes, Dean was just too cute sometimes (though never cuter then Ludwig when he got like this. Ludwig was the cutest boy Feliciana had ever met).

"If that pie meant so much to you...I can always bake you a new one."

Heaven, Dean thought, this has got to be Heaven!

"Seriously? You would do that?"

"Ve~ of course!" Feliciana smiled brightly.

"Awesome!" The grin that spread on Dean's face seemed impossibly huge. "Are you sure?

Feliciana giggled again, happy to make someone else happy. She was certain that her baking skills were good enough to make a simple cherry pie. Francis could help too, he was good at everything in the kitchen.

So excited by her plans of baking and making another person happy Feliciana interrupted Dean as he had begun to speak ("hey listen, you wanna go on a date sometime, cuz you're awesome and I _kinda_ like you-").

Then, she uttered the five dreaded words no boy ever wants to hear essentially stopping Dean in his tracks.

"You're such a great friend."

Dean stared back at Feliciana with gobsmacked expression and even Ginny winced. Rejection was not pretty, ever (plus Ginny was shocked. Who in their right mind in fourth year would reject Dean Winchester?)

Suddenly all was not well in the hospital wing, pies were forgotten and Ludwig Beilschmidt felt a cold and silent chill run up his spine from across the castle.

He looked around for any sign of his sister, or her friends or the Weasley twins (terrifyingly enough, they are the lesser of all evils). Seeing none he returned to his studies. Later he would realize that the sudden eerie chill had been because a new love rival had appeared.

Poor Ludwig.

~.~

* * *

><p>-<br>"Awesome feels a disturbance in the force!"

"Bloody hell...not the force."

"Don't gotta be so sarcastic, Coco. What's the map say?"

"He's just stepped out-why are you so interested in the headmaster?"

"Not Dumbles, per say...just what's in his office."

"...and what is in his office?"

"A _sum_ amount of _stuff_ that we could use to _prank_ a certain _house_ with."

"...to which house are we going to infiltrate?"

"All of them, Coco.** All of them**."

~.~

* * *

><p>-<br>**Muse: ...So hey there! Been an age and a half. Just had some time to update real quick. Inspired by Ask Super Magic Kids tumblr-its all that tumblrs fault, I mean it. But you gotta admit, Mini Huffle Castiel makes Hufflepuff seem all that more cool right? Anyway, this was mostly to set up the next chapter which will have some Luddy, Feli and Dean love trianlgy cuteness, a huge prank on the whole of Hogwarts by Draco and Gillian and of course the conclusion to the Lovi arc. I apologize about Gilly and Draco's part, which was nothing but dialog but I imagined it in a dark broom cupboard while they plotted. *shrugs shoulders*. Meh.**

**Oh! And I have not forgotten about the Harry and Natalia bit. That...will be an arm all its own starting after the Lovi Arc. BTW, I've never written Dean or Cas, I've never written for the Supernatural fandom so bear with me if they were portrayed badly. I'll try harder.**

~.~


	9. Lovina VS Cho

**The Bad Touch Trio & the Goblet of Hilarity**

_**Lovina VS Cho. The (Near) Conclusion to this entire mess!**_

_**~.~**_

* * *

><p>Ivan Braginski was getting pretty tired of Antonio, specifically Antonio's fascination with trying to punch him in the face (got him twice today almost three times, but then the Winchester boy had shown up and Ivan had thrown him at Antonio).<p>

He was seated near the lake with his sisters, plush grass prickling beneath them. Natalia, while terrifying most days seemed sympathetic to her brother's plight. She rested her light colored head on her brother's shoulder and sighed just letting him soak in her comfort without words. On his other side, Katyusha hugged him at the waist, also silent. His sister were so small and warm, so understanding. He suddenly wished his mother was there with her customary cheer up cocoa.

"Don't be sad," Katyusha's sweet voice filled the silence. "Soon, Antonio will realize that it was all a misunderstanding. He will apologize."

"And if he doesn't, I'll make him pay dearest brother." Natalia gave her two, terrifying, cents.

Ivan shrugged.

"It doesn't bother me." He said. "As long as I can be of help to Lovina and have the added advantage of seeing Antonio's troubled expression, then I am fine with it." Grape colored eyed dimmed a tad, he looked up into the cloudy sky. "My feelings don't count, apparently."

"What do you mean?" Natalia asked.

"What does it sound like." It wasn't a question at. The comment came out scathing and filled with venom. Ivan immediately regretted his tone. His sisters weren't at fault, if anything, they would be great help in getting him over it.

Over her, he should say, because this was totally Lovina's fault.

"Ivan," Katyusha began slowly. "-brother, do you like Lovina?"

Ivan's pinked cheeks answered well enough, or would have to be enough of an answer as his throat clenched painfully closed.

"So I was correct." Natalia said.

"What?" Ivan asked her dumbly. Katyusha shook her head and sighed. Younger siblings were so infuriating sometimes, especially when it came to their feelings.

"You like her, I knew that and I know you brother, I know you would rather have your teeth pulled then to do anything about it." Natalia nodded up at him. "Which is all for the better, I think. Rejection is hard and you have never really been good receiving it."

Ivan silently agreed. Rejection was icky, it hurt a lot and Ivan was the type to hold grudges no matter how silly they were. He would rather die then be angry with one of his few friends just because of some slight crush he had that she couldn't share with him.

Lovina, Ivan surmised, did this on and off to him. Ivan would like her and then remember her strong yet violent feelings for Antonio and then his own feelings would return as they were. Friendly with a bit of awe. To reveal his like of her would ruin everything and Ivan was not prepared to lose her now or ever. He'd known her since they were small and it had taken a lot to get her to finally admit to being friends.

Loosing her wasn't an option, he couldn't go around only having his siblings and Feli as companions.

"Oh no." Katyusha said. Ivan looked up and stalking towards them was Antonio flanked by Francis Bonnefoy. The latter seemed embarrassed and quite exasperated at his friend, and ruffled. He'd probably tried to hold Antonio back (a surprising feet for Francis who was never one to stick around in a sticky situation. It was times like these that people understood exactly why he was Gryffindor in the first place).

Ivan stood and placed himself between Antonio and his sister, grape colored eyes scanning the area for anyone to keep the girls out of the way (he would never admit that he was hoping his older sister's boyfriend Chris was around because Chris just annoyed him.)

"What do you want, Tonio?"

"No me llames eso! Pedazo de mierda! You are not my friend!"

Ivan frowned. Before this they were sort of friends (friendly acquaintances counted right?)

"Da, you're right. Not friends. So, Fernandez," Ivan glared dangerously. "What. Do. You. Want?"

The words were said slowly and painfully enunciated (as much one with such an accent could properly enunciate English) and Francis, from behind Antonio groaned. Ivan, with his slow speech was obviously calling Antonio slow.

And so when Antonio's fist met Ivan's face for the third time that day, no one around (Katyusha, Natalia and Francis) seemed incredibly surprised.

Ivan's head flew back, far too used to the quick and painful motion to get lightheaded again. He righted himself and sighed.

Time to come clean about this whole thing whether Lovina liked it or not.

"I'm not dating Lovina." He said.

"Mentiroso. I saw you two together. It doesn't matter if she denies it or you deny it. I know what I saw!"

He punched Ivan again, harder this time surprised that Ivan had yet to hit back.

"I'm not dating Lovina." Ivan repeated, his voice nasally, nose obviously broken. "I swear, moĭ drug, I'm not with her. This was all an act."

Antonio's fist was lifted to strike at Ivan again but didn't move. He lowered his fist, green eyes narrowing just so at the Russian before him, waiting for Ivan to finish explaining.

"He said that if we made you jealous then Lovina would be happy again."

"When was she unhappy?"

Ivan glared.

"Really? The Yule Ball does not come to mind Antonio. I mean, she ran out crying and everything while you twirled with Chang!" He shook his head, his nose aching painfully at the motion. "Are you _that_ dense?"

By the look on Antonio's face, yes, obviously he had been that dense. The Spaniard's shoulders sagged, green eyes suddenly unfocused. He hadn't paid Lovina any attention at the ball, trying to get her incentive, the incentive to reveal her feelings. Cho had said it would work.

It _sort_ of did. She must have cared because wanted him jealous and hurt out of revenge, and it worked but at the same time...

He rubbed his aching and bruised jaw, the place Lovina had punched him with enough force to knock him right out in an instant.

It all made sense and stupid Antonio had taken all his frustration out on poor Ivan, who was doing Lovina a favor like the good friend he really was.

So, without another word, Antonio hightailed it towards the castle determined as he had ever been. Natalia and Katyusha stared off after him, shook their heads and decided that they'd had enough drama for the day. Bidding goodbye to their brother, they walked towards the castle talking among themselves leaving a relieved Francis and an injured Ivan alone at the lake.

Francis gave Ivan a cursory glance.

"I had expected as much." He said. "It was pretty obvious what you were doing. Felik's plan?"

Ivan nodded dumbly at him.

"Da."

"That was...a nice thing to do for Lovina. Taking so many beatings, that is the mark of a good friend...or a man in love."

Ivan's eyes met Francis and it seemed an understanding was met between them before Francis eyes moved passed Ivan and towards the direction Antonio had run.

And it all made sense now.

"Will it ever get better?" Ivan asked with a sigh.

Francis only answer was a heart breaking smile.

~.~

* * *

><p>~.~<p>

Lovina Vargas had just been saved from bullies by her sisters stupid Potato and two annoying girls who seemed determined to annoy her with their various questions. Stupid Potato had grabbed her hand, hauled her down the hall after he'd given his best constipated (terrifying) glare at the jealous Antonio's lovers. The other two girls had been, as far as Lovina could tell, asking him about tutoring when they'd com upon Lovina being bullied.

The shorter girl with messy hair that flipped upward just bellow her ears seemed curious about Lovina's physical state. She was bleeding but it didn't really hurt that much. Lovina's scrapped palms had been because she'd tripped over her own stupid feet. She'd told the girl to shut up about it and then found herself beet red when the girl embarrassingly corrected her;

"My name's Sam and I'm a boy."

Woops!

The girl with Sam turned out to be Vash's younger sister Lili. Lovina's brain must not be working, the only reason she hadn't noticed these two for who (and in Sam's case what) they were. All this Antonio and Cho business had broiled her brain to nothing.

"I'm not saying thank you." She said to Ludwig. "I could have taken care of those girls myself."

"Ja. I know."

He was obviously humoring her but Lovina took it as a compliment rather then what it was. Ludwig was being Ludwig, trying to get Lovina to insult him because otherwise she wouldn't really be Lovina. Although, he threw that notion right out of the park by saving her. They had mutual hatred, the kind where if one got hurt the other would be tickled positively pink.

They weren't supposed to save each other.

Ludwig pulled her towards a familiar portrait. He reached up and with a strong hand, he tickled the pear. Lovina recognized the kitchens immediately and her stomach growled painfully. She'd skipped breakfast and lunch because of those girls and Chang. She was starving.

"Samuel, Lili, you can go back now." Ludwig said with a curt nod. Lili nodded cutely but Sam seemed suspicious but after a moment complied and left with Lili.

Ah, Lovina thought, his brother was the annoying freckled face flirt with the hero complex, the one that liked her sister (it had been during the previous year during a Hogsmeade trip Feliciana had been harassed by upperclassmen. Dean Winchester, who'd just transferred in had saved her much in the way of brutal force.)

"This is where I leave you." Ludwig said. Lovina looked up at him but the idiot wasn't looking at her anymore. He was looking at the person just behind Lovina.

Cho Chang.

"Bastardo. You set me up!"

Ludwig shook his head.

"Nein. You two just need to talk, maybe you can both put sense in Antonio's head again and maybe, just maybe you can all be honest." He straightened himself. "Now talk."

He left before Lovina could utter even the most lame of insults. Okay, so maybe he was right, maybe Antonio was extra stupid and violent these days. It was his own fault anyway, if he thought that she and Ivan were together that was his problem (and a part of her plan to piss him off.)

She didn't feel like talking to Cho about it. She hated Cho.

Except, maybe, she didn't. At the end of the day none of this was Cho's fault (as far as Lovina knows). It would only be fair of Lovina to talk to her and maybe tell her the truth so that she can at least talk Antonio into being less stupid.

If that were possible. Lovina had been trying to do that since she'd met him at five years old. Nothing, so far, had even worked.

"Hi." She greeted lamely.

"Hullo." Cho greeted, all pleasant voice and rosy cheeks. "I think we both know why we're here. Its all about Antonio." She shifted uncomfortably for a moment before her slanted dark eyes zeroed in on Lovina. Determined. "Antonio isn't my boyfriend. We went to the ball just as friends." She said.

Lovina breathed a sigh in relief. Okay that was good. The idiot hadn't completely abandoned her. This was all a misunderstanding that they could clear up-

"But I _want_ him to be my boyfriend." Cho said suddenly.

"What?"

"It isn't fair that you have him all to yourself when you treat him so badly all the time. I thought to help him gain some favor from you but that night...I realized how perfect he is. I want him for myself." Cho's eyes narrowed slightly and for the first time Lovina had (sort of) known her, Cho appeared ugly. "You can't have him."

And with those words, something in Lovina Vargas shouted and snapped;

_OH HELL NO!_

Okay, so maybe it wasn't the _internal_ snapping voice Lovina thought it was as her fist made harsh and painful contact with Cho's face. At that point it didn't matter because at the end of the day the stakes were to high, the loss would be great and there could only be one winner, there was no time for denial. In other words:

**It. Was. On.**

* * *

><p>~.~<p>

Draco Malfoy stared down at the quickly shifting red shoe prints dubbed Cho Chang and Lovina Vargas, on the borrowed (stolen) Marauders Map, eyes widening at the siege of classmates name's and foot prints rushing toward their location. He mumbled "Mischief Managed" and watched as the contents of the map disappeared. He tucked it into his robes and gave Gillian a withering glare.

"You set that up."

Gillian shrugged.

"Lovi needed to get her stress out and Cho needed to be taken down a peg. I sort of mentioned to Ludwig that it would be a good idea and Cho was totally asking for it. I mean, _who_ sends bullies to harass underclassmen, I mean, who does that shit?"

"Jealous upperclassmen named Cho Chang, thats who." Draco shook his head. He crossed his arms across his chest and glanced at the crate filled with dungbombs, his eyes sliding towards the side of it to the cages filled with various creepy crawlies and finally to the mannequins. "Are you sure that your not using the soon to be found out fight between Lovina and Chang as a distraction just to get this prank underway?"

"I don't know what you're trying to say, Coco dear. Awesome was just trying to be nice."

"Right." Draco remained totally unconvinced. "So you tipped off the rest of the school to the fight?"

"Got Yong Soo and Gabriel to do it. They even made fliers."

Draco nodded, completely unimpressed.

* * *

><p>-~.~<p>

**Muse: I'm gonna be honest, I totally did not plan the girl fight it just...sort of wrote itself. And yay! Sammy made an appearance plus Lili (and a Gabirel mention)! Both are Ravenclaw, BTW (Gabe's a Slytherin all the way). And as for Gillian, well, she was doing a good deed and getting a reward for it. By getting everyone to the kitchens to watch the fight, plush more then likely getting Tonio there to stop the fight and get everything out in the open, she'll be able to set the prank into motion. The school wide prank. And I would like to state the obvious: Ludwig is easy to manipulate. Poor lug!**

**Hmmmmm I wonder what she's gonna do. Review please don't flame. Also, I know someone reading thisis probably tickled pink by the Cho getting punched thing. Alls I gotta say-**

**-you're welcome!**


	10. The 'vs' Conclusion no one saw coming!

**The Bad Touch Trio and the Goblet of Hilarity**

_The Revenge Arc (the conclusion)_

**~.**

* * *

><p>Lovina had never been in an actual fight like this before, though she'd been in muggle fights, a ton of them back at home, this fight seemed different. Maybe it was because it had nothing to do with sticking up for Feli or even the stupid Potato Bastard (like that one time when they were ten). This time the stakes were so much higher, the fight escalating from simple hair pulling (like she was used to) to all out punching, kicking, biting and even some well placed objects being hurtled.<p>

But it would be worth it in the end, it had to be. Lovina was used to losing everything- her mother was never home and her father was a drunk so her childhood had gone to shit because she had to make sure that Feliciana was taken care of, the loss had not been so bad if she thought of it like that. She'd lost her old friends from back in the States when she'd been selected for transfer to the Scotland Highlands School of Magic (which is what they called Hogwarts back home because...who in their right mind would name a school after a pig with pimples?) and worse yet, she'd lost her carefully crafted comfort, the tree house in the woods where she felt safest. It had been the last thing her father had done for her before he turned to the drink, their little secret that no one, apart from Lovina, her father and Antonio knew about. She'd lost that too.

And now, some prissy, smartypants princess was trying to take away her Stupid Tomato? No, no way in hell. Lovina had to lay and take it when everything else was ripped away from her, everything she loved everything she never got the chance for and when it was all said and done at least she'd had Tonio and his stupid coddling. Even Feli couldn't quite make Lovi feel so effortlessly special and pretty like that idiot could. There was no way that Cho Chang was going to take him away. Cho could have anyone else she wanted (except maybe Cedric Diggory and even then, she had almost had him until Pansy had shown up). What was it about Antonio that Cho wanted other than the good looks, the great personality, the curly hair and...

Fuck it. Lovina knew what Cho liked about Antonio. Everyone liked him, girls wanted to date him, boys wanted to befriend him (even the Slytherin's like him...that's saying something.) Antonio Carriedo Fernandez, despite being a perfect idiot (and not really that either, not only was he Ravenclaw, the idiot was also top of the class for fifth year) was probably the most endearing, softhearted, kind individual anyone this side of the universe could ever hope to meet. He was perfection-

- and still Lovina had pushed him away. Why? Because she was just like that, it didn't mean she didn't like him it just meant that she wasn't all in your face about it. She liked quietly, privately and maybe she was still shocked that someone like Antonio could have feelings for her. Sometimes, and she would rather die than admit it, she would stare at her reflection in the mirror trying to see what he saw in her. She was never satisfied in herself, she wasn't as pretty as her little sister, wasn't as smart as her little sister, wasn't as friendly as her little sister or that great of a cook in comparison. Feli had always been the one everyone liked to flock around, even her parents. Lovina wasn't bitter over it, not to Feli. Feliciana couldn't help that she was naturally a great person who everyone loved. Lovi loved that aspect about her sister, made it easier to look out for her.

It just grated on her sometimes, how someone as wonderful and perfect as Antonio could settle for less than what he deserved. Lovina wasn't blind she wasn't stupid either. She'd heard the gossip. If Antonio and Cho were the almost perfect couple then Antonio and Feliciana would be the ruler supreme of perfect couples, everyone said so.

Cho's knee to her eye stopped her rambling thoughts of not being good enough. Lovi's head flew back, her back arching painfully as he whole body moved. She landed on the floor with a woosh and a cry. Cho immediately straddled her waist, blood trickling from her hairline and fat lip. She stared down at Lovina with such profound anger that it surprised those closest to the fight. The cheers from the students watching escalated in volume.

Lovina heard someone shout; "where are the teachers?"

The voice sounded suspiciously like Alfred Jones, the other supposed hero from the Gryffindor House (it was full of hero wannabe's). Some hero, couldn't stop a girl fright if he tried.

Lovi lifted her hands, palm upward, and shoved Cho off of her waist. The Asian girl fell back with a shout as Lovi, quickly, lifted her foot and kicked her. She caught Cho's shoulder with the heel of her mary-janes and winced as she felt something snap out of place. Gabriel Ryder, sixth year Slytherin whooped loudly, chanting Lovina's name. Soon, everyone joined.

_Lovina!_

_Lovina!_

_Lovina!_

"What is the MEANING OF THIS?"

The chanting was silenced immediately, impressive really, because the silence came all at once. Lovina and Cho scrambled apart. Cho was covered in bruises, some blood at her mouth, knuckles and hairline. She was holding onto her injured and possibly dislocated shoulder, wincing. Lovina felt immediately awful for it, for fighting in the first place.

She wondered how she looked and before turning to her teacher she caught her reflection on the stove door. She wanted nothing more than to cry at how she looked. The victor of the fight, if it went by looks, would not be Lovina who had sustained; two black eyes, blood tricking out of both nostrils, a blooming bruise at the side of her face, a fat lip. Clothes torn and ripped, knuckles a bruised and bleeding mess and her ear! She was bleeding out of her ear!

She turned her attention back to the new DaDa teacher, Professor Crowley in his crisp black muggle suit and amused expression. If she didn't know any better she would think that he enjoyed the fight (and might have been watching, Lovi wouldn't be surprised-he was a Slytherin through and through). He placed his hands into the pockets of his black slacks and narrowed his eyes at the crowd, stopping for a moment on the Slytherin's before his gaze met Lovi and Cho.

"Well. Ladies, if you would stand." He said, accented voice smooth as oil. "If you _could_ stand, I mean. Came following the sounds of fist cuffs imagining Gryffindor's and Slytherin's fighting to the "death" and surprise surprise. What do I find? A Bird and a Duffer."

The girls stood on shaky legs, almost leaning against each other. Cho looked resolute, ready to face the loss of precious house points and detention. Lovi just wanted to get punishment over with, wanted to get to the infirmary and then to bed. House points and detention be damned she was exhausted, sore and looked like shit.

"You lot, out of here before my wand casts a few _accidental_ jinxes!"

The crowd of on lookers dispersed and suddenly it was just Lovina, Cho and Professor Crowley left in the kitchens. His black eyes took in the mess around him and then to the girls. He laughed.

"Clean up this mess and then get to the infirmary. In that order-" He said, noting Cho had eased herself closer to the portrait, hand at her injured shoulder. "No detentions, no house point removal. Just clean up the mess."

That was it? Lovina felt a bit surprised at that. Professor Crowley loved detentions and removal of hose points, granted he loved giving detentions to Gryffindor's and removing an insane number of house points from them...something felt off. Fishy.

"Oh don't look at me like that, Sweetheart. I'm feeling generous today." he clucked his tongue. "And I seem to recall a tournament going on. Teachers have to prepare for it and the like and I don't have time to waste on silly little girl fights and detention. _Although_," His voice dropped, threatening. "-the next time I see something like this I will remove so many points your own houses will turn against you and the number of detentions will last the length of whatever time you have left in this Merlin Forsaken School. **Do**. **You**. **Comprehend**?"

And there it was, the creepy and terrfying Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher they knew and loved (feared immensely). Lovina and Cho nodded at Professor Crowley, who snapped his fingers summoning the recently absent House Elf staff. He gave strict orders for the elves to let the girls clean the mess themselves before he left with a cheery 'no wands!'

Lovina glared at Cho like it was all her fault as she dropped down onto her sore (and possibly busted kneecaps) knees and began to collect prices of broken dishes and silverware.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

><p><strong>~.~<strong>

"That...was exhausting." Draco fell onto the emerald green armchair with a thud. He swiped at his sweaty brow, grimacing but worth it. He wondered when it had become so much...fun to pull stupid pranks, wondered how something so childish became so addicting. He wouldn't admit it to Gillian, never. She would hold it over his head until the day he died, but he could admit that it was fun.

He, with all the sincerity a Malfoy could muster, was having stupid and childish fun. It was so...normal (no normal, never normal when Gillian Beilschmidt was concerned). His gray eyes crinkled in amusement as they focused on the ringleader. Gillian grinned widely at him as she sat cross-legged on the black tiled floor.

"But so worth ir, right? Think we beat those Murauder guys? I bet our prank totally out does anything they ever did!"

"Not sure." Draco said. "We might have."

"Awesome says we did. I mean, have they ever got into all the houses and done what we did?"

"Doubtful." He answered, leaning forward and plucking the yellow chick off of her head. He place Gilbird in his lap and with his finger stroked the downy feathers. He liked Gilbrid, thought that, maybe they should have an army of Gilbird's as a calling card. After all, Kennedy has his armored badgers and that seemed pretty cool.

Draco shook his head. When had he become so ridiculous?

"I wonder who won the fight." Gillian asked suddenly. She had a faraway look in her ruby colored eyes that Draco couldn't quite place. "I feel kinda bad about it."

"Why?" Draco asked. "Why would you feel badly about it? If what you said previous was true, than this was going to happen regardless. All you did was make it happen sooner rather than later. You just took an opportunity while it happened."

That didn't make her feel all that better, Draco knew, but he offered her the truth. Besides, it wasn't his problem anyway. He'd wiped his hands clean of the entire dramatic mess when he was landed in the hospital wing. If Chang, Vargas, Braginski and Fernandez were too stupid to be honest with each other than that was their problem. Draco knew what he wanted, who he wanted and how to go about it. No sugarcoating, no games. Trickery yes cunning of course, he was Slytherin after all. He dealt with being sneaky with finesse that the other houses obviously lacked.

In other words, this was not Draco's problem and by extension, not the problem of his _associates_ (friends).

"I place my galleons on Vargas." He said suddenly.

"Awesome has to disagree. Cho's bigger and on the quidditch team-not that I'm saying Lovi's weak just that-"

"_That_ she is a delicate flower...?"

"Shut up Coco, and you are so on for that bet! Name the stakes! Anything!"

He grinned. Gillian should have known better than that...

* * *

><p><strong>~.~.~<strong>

Arthur had decided, a long time ago, to ignore situations that had nothing to do with him. The situation between Lovina, Cho and Antonio had nothing to do with him. He also, did not particularly care either. Since they were children Lovina and Arthur had never particularly cared for each other. He was sort of friends with Antonio therefore he knew Lovina. That did not mean that he cared enough about her to get involved into her personal business.

Until he came face to face with the situation head on. Pushed forward by the surge of people headed somewhere and when they stopped he'd nearly fallen forward into the kitchens if not for Alfred Jones pulling him back by his vest.

"What the bloody hell is going on?"

Alfred shrugged, stupid face split into a stupid grin (Arthur would forever refuse to call it handsome, there was no way Alfred F. Jones would ever be handsome).

"Dude, its a chick fight." He pointed to the girls scrambling on the floor. "Obviously a _brutal_ one." He winced as the girl with dark hair (Cho) kneed the much smaller girl in the face (Lovina). "Where are the teachers?"

"I don't know. Someone ought to put this fight to rest."

"Yeah, but who. Besides, its a long time coming. I say let them beat the crap out of each other and get it over with. This hostility is really annoying."

Arthur rolled his eyes. Of course, leave it to Alfred Bloody Jones to let violence carry on. Arthur straightened his tie and walked off but not before calling Alfred a wanker. He pushed passed the students and made for the end of the hall towards the dungeons. He didn't particularly like the dungeons, not since he caught sight of Potter being dragged to the Slytherin commons by Natalia, so he tended to avoid them unless he had potions or it was time to tuck into the dorm.

He came across the potions classroom, and with a light cough, pushed the door opened. It wasn't uncommon nowadays to catch sight of his Head of House beating James Potter with a cauldron, and Arthur was prepared to find such a scene now. Of course he was surprised to see Professor Snape and Professor Crowley having a hushed conversation.

Everyone knew that they loathed one another, of course this had to do with Professor Crowley getting the Defense against the Dark Arts job, of course. Although, it also seemed as though the dislike leaked from a previous time (Professor Crowley had been Professor Snape's dorm mate in Hogwarts some twenty years previous and the hatred carried on from some boyhood incident, whatever that meant...)

Snape's black eyes zeroed in on Arthur quickly while Professor Crowley glared at the conversation being interpreted.

"Mister Kirkland, whatever do I owe the...pleasure of your visit?" Professor Snape's voice dripped its usual amount of disdain but there was something else there that Arthur recognized as thanks. Apparently he'd saved his Head of House from a rather dull conversation.

"A fight sir." Arthur began. "In the kitchens."

"Oh? Between whom?"

Arthur furrowed his thick brows, wondering if this was the right thing.

"Lovina Vargas and Cho Chang."

There was a moment of silence before Professor Snape _swore_, actually swore. Professor Crowley threw up his head and laughed shoving his hand towards Professor Snape who handed him a few Galleons. Arthur stood there gaping. The professors had made _bets_?

Just what kind of school was this!

Professor Crowley placed the galleons in his pocket and walked passed the desk, coins jingling in his pocket as he went.

"Well darlings, I'm off to stop this fight." He paused at the door and gave a gaping Arthur a look. "Oh do untangle those twisted panties, mate. We professors have got to get our kicks from somewhere..." He walked out the door leaving a bewildered Arthur (who swore never to get involved in anyone personal business ever again) and a cursing Professor Snape (who was a few galleons short) behind. The silence was awkward and near tangible...until it was interrupted by James Potter's sudden arrival through the doors.

He stared at the two Slytherin's with a confused expression.

"Alright...what'd I miss?"

* * *

><p><strong>~.~.~.~<strong>

Antonio stared at Lovina as she slept, carefully concealed under Harry's invisibility cloak. The Gryffindor had offered it to him after then mention of the fight. Said to talk to Lovina and Cho, that he needed to.

Now that he stood there, at Lovina's bedside, cot right beside a slumbering Cho, he had no idea where to start or what to do. They were both beaten and battered, both the girls he loved in different ways. He was so certain that he would find Lovina and apologize and then he would find Cho and thank her for what she'd done but now...he felt like the biggest asshole this side of the world. How could he have agreed to make Lovina jealous in the firsst place? Worse yet, he had the audacity to beat up Ivan for being Lovina's boyfriend, as though Ivan had no right to date her (they weren't dating but still, it didn't really matter).

Not only that but...he'd actually...started liking Cho on a different level. He groaned, rubbing his tired face with his hand trying to wipe away the guilt for that. He was a teenager, this was normal to develop light crushes on pretty girls. Of course he was in love with Lovina, always and forever-he'd marry her someday after he managed to make her admit how she felt about him, but there was something lacking in his wait.

Cho liked him, she'd said it outright and he had appreciated that honesty. No pussyfooting around it, no denial and angry shouting. He entertained the thought of it, _only_ the thought. If he decided to date Cho than everything would be so simple. He would wake up and get ready in the morning certain that his girlfriend would welcome him with a smile. No shouting, no hitting, no insults or aggravation just happiness. They would hold hands, go on dates, they would share meals and meet with each other during the summer time each growing up and together without much hardship.

He entertained the thought with a smile until he realized that it was Cho and not Lovi. Antonio loved Lovi, couldn't love anyone else, wouldn't love anyone else for as long as he lived. It'd taken him a long time to realize that he loved her and now with the realization he knew there was no turning back.

He stepped forward, turned his body to lean against the wall in between both beds. They both slept so soundly, unhindered by his watching. Antonio felt awful, he wanted to say something to them, wake them and apologize and then...

what?

What was there to do, who was he supposed to choose because at the end of the day it was up to Antonio, wasn't it? It was his decision. Cho or Lovina. The easy road or the treacherous one.

Deep like or deep love.

The hours passed slowly, the sun beginning to peek over the gloomy horizon. Light spilled through the windows and both girls began to wake. Cho was the first top open her eyes, bleary and slowly, he body ached. She sat up and looked towards Lovina and almost yelped. Antonio was seated on the floor between beds staring at her.

"Antonio?"

"Hola, Cho." He greeted with rumbling voice. He smiled up at her, but it didn't reach his green eyes. He stood up and leaned against the stone wall. "We need to talk."

"Yes," she found her voice. "I suppose we do."

A moment passed and Lovina sat up rubbing her bruised black eyes with the heel of her palm. She winced, letting her hands drop into her lap. Her eyes focused on the scene beside her suddenly, her eyes widened.

"What the hell do you want?" She asked.

"To talk." Antonio answered. "The three of us need to talk."

Lovina crossed her arms across her chest and looked away making Antonio almost smile. His Lovina never changed.

"Lo siento. Both of you didn't deserve this, its my fault but now I'm going to make it better." Antonio turned towards Cho and reached for her hand, ingnoring the snort of distaste Lovi made. "Cho, Lo siento because, I know how you feel about me I always did and I let myself think differently and pretended that I didn't know any better. I used you, even though I knew you were just using incentive as an excuse to go to the ball with me. I'm sorry about everything and I wish that I could like you enough to be your boyfriend, and I _could_ be. I could be with you and we would be happy...but I can't. Lo siento."

Cho looked at their hands, his dark ones holding onto her-so much smaller than his and dainty. She let his words absorb and felt incredibly sad about the whole thing because he was right. She had always liked him and she had used the fact that he liked Lovina to go on a date with him telling him that it would be good to get Lovina jealous.

She knew that if he could get over Lovina that he would be with her, and Cho saw what could have been if there was no Lovina involved. She and Antonio could be very happy together. Suddenly, Cho felt betrayed and angry, as she looked over at a smug and bruised Lovina. Lovina Vargas smug as though she had won Antonio (realistically, it seems like she did). Cho's eyebrows furrowed. Okay, if the boy of her dreams doesn't want to be with her, so be it. Cho couldn't change Antonio's mind however, she would be damned if she let Lovina continue to be a horrible towards him.

Cho fixed Tonio wit a glare.

"So that's it then? I know I can't change your mind and at this point, its useless to say anything else. You know how I feel and you've rejected me, that's fine. I can deal with that as long as we can remain friends." She paused as Antonio nodded. She turned her attention towards Lovina. "And _you_, you bitter stupid little girl! You're horrible and rude, you're too stupid to realize what a catch you have or maybe you know he's a catch and for whatever reason you're unusually cruel to him which makes you even worse. I'll admit that I have been underhanded and sneaky with sending those girls to tease you, in retrospect that was not the right thing to do but I was desperate. I'm sorry."

"Apology not accepted-" Lovina began but was interpreted as Cho continued.

"But, I will say this, you don't deserve Antonio. You don't deserve his kindness or his strength you _barely_ deserve his friendship. If you want to be with him at all you have to start showing some level of interest or next time, the next girl will really be his girlfriend, you understand? One day, Merlin willing, Antonio will wise up and drop you like week old chocolate frog and move on to someone more deserving. Lovina, you can't expect for the world to revolve around you. You have to move with it (1). You understand?"

They were silent, Cho breathing deeply ignoring the other patients in the infirmary that were sitting up and staring at them. She glared hateful daggers at Lovina before she twisted, swung her legs over the bed and marched right out of earshot. She sat on another cot and swung the curtains closed, her piece done with.

Antonio stared off at her and then to a sour faced Lovina.

"I'm not stupid." She mumbled, face red in either anger or embarrassment. Antonio sighed.

"Lovinita," Antonio began. "Lo siento. That's all I can really say. I went to the ball with Cho to get you jealous, that was wrong of me but..." He took a great breath and released it with a whistle. "I was desperate to get your attention. Sometimes I think you hate me, for real, and it hurts. I thought that if you were jealous you might realize that you love me and you would tell me. But then you go on and you use poor Ivan."

"Poor Ivan?"

Antonio leveled her a look.

"You know he's in love with you and you let him pretend to be your boyfriend to make me jealous...it worked really well but then we started fighting and I couldn't stop hurting him. Lovina," He reached over and held her hand, brought it up to kiss softly. "I love you but...I don't think that's enough for you right now." He stood up and stared down at her with determined eyes. "I think that we shouldn't talk for a little while. Maybe go on dates with other people and see where it leads up."

He left soon after without glancing back. Lovina's eyes wide and hurt. She didn't know what to think or how to explain how she felt. Antonio had just dumped her. Dumped her, it seemed, for real.

For now.

She lay back in bed, hauled the covers over her head and wept at her own stupidity.

No one had won.

* * *

><p><strong>~.~.~.~.~<strong>

**(1)This awesome quote is by The Wistful Bloom.**

**Muse: *hides* don't kill me for this! I have a plan I swear. I know it blindsided everyone with the whole Tonio essentially dumping both girls but hear me out! There is a reason. I want Lovina to come to realizations on her own, not with Tonio right there in the wings waiting. They're 'on a break' to see other people. They might get back together if they were together or they might drift apart. I'm not sure yet. I know I'm gonna get soooooooo much hate but it had to be done.**

**Now moving on! Crowley as a professor? Some of you sharp Supernatural fans probably laughed at that one. There's a story there, seriously funny story with Young Crowley and Young Snape with the Young Marauders. Oh and Alfred and Arthur...I bet you all thought there would be an Ally due to the Feli and Lovi G-bends...don't worry Ally will be here soon as...not saying yet.**

**More Hetalia characters to come. By the By, if you Supernatural Hogwarts fans would like, review if you want a Castiel gets his letter and meets the magical world story (which I am actually in the process of writing. Might be standalone if you don't want it here.) Ya gotta review. Please review, it makes writing up chapters so much easier!**

**Bye!**


	11. Cedric and Sam make a pretty good team!

**The Bad Touch Trio and the Goblet of Hilarity**

_The Second Challenge (Oh yeah, I _almost_ forgot about the Triwizard tournament!)_

**~.**

* * *

><p><em>Come seek us where our voices sound,<em>  
><em>We cannot sing above the ground,<em>  
><em>And while you're searching ponder this;<em>  
><em>We've taken what you'll sorely miss,<em>  
><em>An hour long you'll have to look,<em>  
><em>And to recover what we took,<em>  
><em>But past an hour, the prospect's black,<em>  
><em>Too late it's gone, it won't come back.<em>**  
><strong>

Cedric Diggory's head burst through the surface of the warm bath water. Bubbly suds fizzled in his ears and ran down his closed eyes lids, cold air caused a rash of goose pimples to erupt on his chilly skin. He shook his head ridding himself of the suds, opened his corn blue eyes and lifted the now closed golden egg up from the water. He examined the golden surface with a great sigh.

"Did it work?" Sam Winchester asked from the other side of the large bath. He pulled the draw string tighter on his blue board shorts, staring at Cedric excitedly. His dark blue eyes focused on the egg. "It worked right?"

Cedric, dressed similarly in only slightly small boarding shorts, nodded with a confused smile. Earlier that week the littlest Winchester had come racing towards the Hufflepuff table with a stack of old books. He'd mentioned something about the egg and research.

Cedric couldn't have been more happy to find someone able enough to find something about the egg, which had baffled everyone, including Cedric himself. Of course, Cedric would have never thought that a mere second year would be the one to help him but beggars can't be choosers and Sam Winchester was, after all, a genius.

"Yes, yes it worked."

"Why do you look like that then?"

Cedric shrugged as he settled the egg in his lap. He explained the song to Sam whose eyes narrowed just so, tilting his head in thought very much like Cedric's house mate, Castiel Singer.

"Merpeople." Sam said. "Which pretty much explains the whole 'we cannot sing above the ground' part. That was obvious. So whats the problem?"

"The problem Samuel," Cedric chuckled at the face Sam had made. Apparently no one used his full name. "is that something I will _sorely_ miss will be taken by the merpeople...and where is the location of these merpeople?"

"The Black Lake?"

"Where else..." He lifted a sudsy hand and rubbed his chin, light stubble where he'd missed shaving. "Which means..?"

"What...?" Sam's eyes widened, mouth gaping just so. "Crap! This means that you're gonna have to find it...in the lake! How are you going to stand being in the lake for an hour?"

"I don't know."

"What the heck kind of a challenge is that I mean, first dragons and now being submerged in a lake for an hour, you aren't fish you guys can't breath under water!"

"My sentiments exactly. So, as the muggle saying goes, back to the drawing board?"

Sam shook his head, cut mid rant about crazy magical Europeans and their lack of self preservation earning himself a look from Cedric who decided to keep mum about Sam's older brother Dean who'd been the Quodpot(1) captain of the Kansas City School of Magic's(2) team (a game similar to quidditch but infinitely more dangerous.) He climbed out of the bath and rounded towards Cedric's side, helping the seventh year climb out with the egg. He hefted it and held it to his chest.

"You're just lucky I'm good at research." Sam said.

"More then lucky my friend, down right blessed." Cedric mussed Sam's wet head and headed towards the changing stalls. "Wonder what the item will be."

"Dunno," Sam said from the stall beside him. "But it's gotta be important."

Later, they would realize, _important_ was the understatement of the century...

**~.~**

* * *

><p>Detention, an old acquaintance. Gillian drew in a tired breath as she stared up at the dark dank dungeon ceiling. She wished it had been detention with Snape, at least her head of house seemed to have a sense of humor towards the various reasons for her detentions (pranks against Gryffindor's mostly). But detention with Professor Crowley had always been torturous and boring-it was like study hall, nothing but silence and homework.<p>

Who the heck wants to be stuck doing homework?

She scribbled into her notebook (homework for Professor Crowley's class was not done by parchment, it was a composition notebook he assigned thank God...) twitching her nose and narrowing her eyes, trying to remember as much about windigo from her Defense lesson as she could. Dean whats-his-name made mention of his father going up against windigo and Leon had said something about it being formerly human who turned bad or something...

Okay, Gillian obviously needed to start paying attention in class.

She raised her eyes and stared at Professor Crowley who had his legs resting on Professor Snape's desk almost disturbing a tall stack of parchment rolls. Gillian wondered how Crowley got Snape to let him use the potions classroom for detention then again...it was pretty smart on his part. This was possibly, the one room Gillian wouldn't destroy due to boredom. She wished she could say it was because she respected her head of house, but no...no it had more to do with horrifying clarity that Snape knew where she slept and could possibly make it look like an accident (she was not over reacting. He had actually told her as much after her first prank.)

Muttering a curse Gillian threw her pen (Crowley hated quills and ink, his class required work done by muggle ball point pens) into her notebook and closed it with a huff, she had maybe another ten minutes before detention was done, she might as well just wait it out.

She lasted all but ten seconds before boredom settled in. There was nothing to do but look at her professor or finish her homework-neither prospect appealing in the least. Professor Crowley seemed to be examining his nails and her homework was most assuredly wrong.

"Beilschmidt?"

Her head lifted, red eyes focused on the Defense teacher. Conversation would be a sure fire way to end the long torturous minutes left of her detention. She was almost grateful.

"Yes sir?"

"Your brother, the American Auror, I hear is making quite a name for himself."

Gillian nodded. Yeah, of course Gilbert was making an awesome name for himself.

He'd graduated from the Ohio School of Magical Education(3) with top scores (the only guy to ever pass finals in almost all his classes without studying a thing.)

On top of that he was Quodpot captain for the Ohio Owls and had only turned down a professional long term sports career in order to go into Auror training and passed with flying colors (anything dealing with defensive spells and strategy and Gilbert is happy as a clam.)

All in all her brother was the best most awesome guy in the world. Of course he was making a name for himself.

But what did it have to do with Crowley asking questions?

"Did you know that your darling brother has decided to oversee the proceedings of the tournament?"

From across the grounds tucked into his favorite corner of the library, Ludwig Beilschmidt felt a sudden unholy terror creep slowly up his spine towards his head, his heart beat with sudden acceleration as his muscles tensed preparing for the inevitable attack-all of this was associated with his sibling. The _other_ sibling, the one Ludwig liked to pretend existed only in his nightmares during certain holidays when he would visit.

Ludwig looked up from his long forgotten book to stare at the letter he'd ignored during supper. He remembered Germouser staring at the letter with the utmost unease the cat had even hissed, because the letter itself had not been from home it had been from _him_. So Ludwig, being the good little brother he was, tucked the letter addressed to Gillian and himself into his pocket and ignored it until now. Until that feeling. He reached forward, took the letter in his hand and prayed before pulling at the wax sign and reading the messy scrawl.

Make room for your awesome big brother! I'm coming to your school to see the tournament or rather there might be something fishy going on so they decided to send me. The best!  
><span>I know you're both very excited to show me off to all of your little British friends and can't wait till I arrive. I should be due in about a week. I have to finish a case and then I'm off to the land of horrible cooking.<span>  
><span>By the way, brother, I requested to share my living quarters with you. This way when I'm not on the job I can try my best to make you awesome (but not as awesome as me!) See your soon!<span>

Your loving  
><span> Awesome<span>  
><span> big brother, Gilbert<span>

Ludwig, understandably, fainted.

**~.~.~**

* * *

><p><em>1: A variant of Quidditch, Quodpot was invented in the eighteenth century by Abraham Peasegood, and is the most popular wizarding game in the United States. <em>

_Centred around the explosive properties of the ball, known as the Quod, a game of Quodpot is played between two teams with eleven players each. The players attempt to get the Quod into the pot at the end of the pitch before it explodes. When the Quod is safely in the pot - which contains a solution to stop the Quod from exploding - the scorer's team gets a point and a new Quod is brought into play. Any player in possession of the Quod when it explodes must leave the field of play._

_Quodpot is immensely popular in North America and South America, but is considered a minority sport in Europe, where the majority of wizards remain faithful to Quidditch._

_2: The Kansas City school of Magic where Dean and Sam attended. The Kansas City School of Magic is split into two campuses. Where Dean and Sam attend is regularly referred to the Green Campus which educates grades 6-8 while the other campus, called the Main Campus hosts grades 9-12. The students attend classes for six hours before returning home for the day, mon-fri. More to be explained in later chapters._

_3: Ohio School of Magical Education is where Gilbert, Gillian, Ludwig and the rest of the Hetalia characters (plus Leon Kennedy and Chris and Claire Redfeild) attended school which runs similarly to the _The Kansas City school of Magic, minus the two campuses_. The school's mascot is the Owl._

**Muse: Short! Sorry but this was kind of to get the story back on track with the tournament (which is in the title). I also wanted some more Cedric here because this idea started with Cedric Diggory in my head and in the messages with Black Rose-plus I really wanted to add more of Sam which turned out pretty good. This is basically filler anyway, until I get the ball rolling on the second task. On the Cas chapter-its nearly completed which makes me pretty excited!**

**And yes! Gilbert the eldest Beilschmidt will be here. So we will have both Prussia's genderbend and not quite. Poor Ludwig, poor poor Luddy. Next chapter should be up in about a week or so. I'll try my best to update as soon as possible. Review no flames please.**

**See you next chapter!**


	12. The Wand Of Antonio Carriedo Fernandez

Antonio Carriedo Fernandez

Wand Wood; Pear

This golden-toned wood produces wands of splendid magical powers, which give of their best in the hands of the warm-hearted, the generous and the wise. Possessors of pear wands are, in my experience, usually popular and well-respected. I do not know of a single instance where a pear wand has been discovered in the possession of a Dark witch or wizard. Pear wands are among the most resilient, and I have often observed that they may still present a remarkable appearance of newness, even after many years of hard use.

Wand Core; Unicorn

Unicorn hair generally produces the most consistent magic, and is least subject to fluctuations and blockages. Wands with unicorn cores are generally the most difficult to turn to the Dark Arts. They are the most faithful of all wands, and usually remain strongly attached to their first owner, irrespective of whether he or she was an accomplished witch or wizard.

Minor disadvantages of unicorn hair are that they do not make the most powerful wands (although the wand wood may compensate) and that they are prone to melancholy if seriously mishandled, meaning that the hair may 'die' and need replacing.

11 inches and Springy

* * *

><p><em><strong>Got some messages asking about everyone wands...so I thought, why not and have thus created a long list of characters and their wand wood types, wand cores, length and durability. Just filler, sorry for those of you who wanted another chapter. I'm working on the second challenge right now and its proving a little difficult. Also, all Supernatural Centric bio chapters have been given their own story.<strong>_

_**Wand information found on Pottermore (thank goodness for Pottermore!)**_

_**Review please and tell me what you think. What other character wand would you like to know about?**_

_**-Muse.**_


	13. The Second Task!

**The Bad Touch Trio & the Goblet of Hilarity Presents:**

**The Second Task (where's the first?)**

**Or:**

_That one time Cedric was nearly choked to death in a lake!_

_**~.~**_

* * *

><p>Cedric stood directly next to Fleur Delacour. The beautiful girl gave him a side glance a nervous gaze which held his for nearly a minute before her blue eyes trained themselves on the murky lake water. Fleur was always nervous, he thought, since the beginning of the tournament though she'd never mention anything about this nervousness at all, not to him and not to Krum.<p>

Cedric looked towards the stands trying to catch sight of that one special person he'd wanted to see since the moment he'd woken up that morning only to find her absent from the stands. Well, he might have missed her since his eyes went directly towards the section of teenagers wearing yellow and black. His flint gray eyes slid from the cheering Hufflepuff's, gliding over the fussing Ravenclaws and the gregarious Gryffindor's' and stopped when he reached the hushed whispering Slytherin's elegantly seated in the stands. His eyes caught those of Gillian Beilschmidt who waved excitedly at him, her shoulders shaking enough to jostle a dozing Draco awake. Draco, whose annoyed expression softened for a fraction of a moment caught Cedric's eyes as well. He nodded in greeting, turning his attention to the Durmstrang boy seated beside him.

There were Blaise and his Merry Band of Morons (as the Hufflepuff's had taken to dubbing them and using capitols as it seemed appropriate.) He could see fellow grade-mates and underclassmen but as for the one he sought...

Where the bloody hell was Pansy Parkinson?

_**~.~**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>~.~<strong>_

It was times like this that Lovina really really hated being an older sister. Feliciana had this ability to make her eyes impossibly huge in order to get anything she wanted. It might have been a good thing that Feli didn't seem to understand that this was an evil super power that she could use to her advantage whenever she wanted-Feli didn't and probably wouldn't if she weren't so dim. It wasn't in her character.

Lovina had to admit that yes she herself would have used to her own advantage. Maybe then, she wouldn't feel the way she feels, the horrible heart ache rushing upward causing her throat to close and eyes to water whenever she thought of Antonio.

Stupid Tomato Bastard and his stupid silent treatment!

It'd been a few days since she'd been dumped and already there was this intense need within her to run and beg and apologize-she wouldn't. No way in hell would Lovina Vargas apologize. Ever.

But looking at Antonio now, seated ever so closely to Angelina Johnson, she had to fight the urge to scramble her way down the stands and over to Antonio and demand that he take her apology seriously and take her back.

Take what back?

That was the question.

"I seriously don't want to be here..." She mumbled to her giggling sister. "Why the hell did I let you talk me into this?"

"Ve~ Lovi don't be mad! I wanted to spend time with you."

Feli turns her large eyes on Lovi who had no choice but to try and smile (it comes out pretty terrifying-as a matter of fact, Zacharias Smith actually yelped when he saw it).

"Isn't this exciting? Ve~ I hope Cedric wins this one!"

"Whatever. Who cares, its not like Hogwarts is going to congratulate Hufflepuff house, they'll just congratulate Hogwarts. If it were Gryffindor then they'd congratulate Gryffindor or any other house...bastards just don't get that our house is just as good as any other."

Feli nods in agreement along with the other Hufflepuff's seated nearby

When the competitors jumped into the Black Lake, the Hufflepuff students stood tallest and cheered the loudest of anyone else, Cedric's name a loud proud war cry ringing through the air from their direction. The other houses and visiting student's gave the otherwise quiet Hogwart's house a surprised stare before they joined. Gryffindor's, Ravenclaw's and even _Slytherin's_ cheering proudly for their chosen champion.

"**_Cedric! Cedric! Cedric!_**"

Lovina pumped her arms half heartedly for Cedric as her eyes fell on Antonio who cheered the loudest the proudest of any of the Ravenclaw's. He seemed unaffected and happy as he usually ever was.

It begged the question;

Was Lovina the only one affected?

She refused to call the pain in her chest heartache.

_**~.~**_

* * *

><p><strong><em>~.~<em>**

It took Cedric less than a handful of seconds to summon a bubble-head charm thought it did take a minute for him to let his eyes adjust to the darkness of the lake. He seemed lost for a moment, staring at the tufts of sea weeds and miscellaneous debris floating about.

_'Just what am I supposed to be looking for?'_

Krum had taken a left while Fluer had taken to the right, both having known what they were supposed to look for. Apparently it was only Cedric who had absolutely no idea what to look for. He wasn't missing anything important. Had his wand, knew where all his clothes and school books were tucked away in his trunk. Just what could they have taken that was so important?

_'Something I would surely miss...something I would miss? What would I miss? Nothing at all. I think perhaps, the only thing I have missed is Pans and...and...'_

A light bulb lit over his head (to use the muggle metaphor) and Cedric high tailed it, going neither right nor left, still unsure where to go. Of course he should have suspected, the moment he didn't see Pansy in the stands. He realized he hadn't seen Fluer's sister nor Hermione Granger and _both_ were very easy to spot in a crowd, white blond waves and bouncy wild mess of brown curls.

_'Of course!'_

He would kick himself later for not figuring it out, of course, he might not half to kick himself. If he knew Pans well enough (and he had learned quite a bit) was that she had a temper. Being held underwater via magical enchantments and possibly ruining her make up would turn her temper vile which would mean pain for Cedric.

_'Merlin,'_ Cedric thought,_ 'I love that woman!'_

__**~.~**_  
><em>

* * *

><p><em><strong>~.~<strong>_

He found her, scowl in place as she floated between Hermione Granger and Fluer's little sister Gabrielle, whose silvery hair clouded about the small child's head in an eerie smokey shroud. Cedric ticked off the time it had taken to finding the girl's. Under an hour, surely, but just barely. He needed to get Pansy free and to the surface before the others showed up. Whipping out his wand, Cedric cast a non verbal spell cutting the long rope like weed holding Pansy in place. He took her into his arms, reveling in the moment of holding her without her yelling obscenities in his ear or hitting him and found himself missing the abuse.

Antonio had mentioned that the more passionate she was about hiding her feelings for him meant the more profound her feelings for Cedric had to be. He took Antonio's words as good as gold. Antonio was a Ravenclaw after all (if Lovina had ever heard Cedric say something like that she would throttle him for his lack of common sense. Antonio was intelligent only in the bookish sense in life, not so much.)

Gripping the Slytherin's waist tightly with his right arm, Cedric looked up towards the surface and with his feet kicked upward as fast as he could. The nearer he got to the surface the easier the cheers were heard and he smiled at the thought of winning and most importantly, he smiled at the thought of breaking the waters surface and Pansy waking from her petrification in his arms.

It was just a bit romantic.

**__**~.~**__**

* * *

><p><em><strong>~.~<strong>_

They broke surface, the air crisp and cold sending a sweeping of goose flesh through Cedric's skin. The cheers reached his ears, all at once a wave of praise hitting him and sending his already erratic heart racing and swelling with pride. He smiled brightly, right arm tightening around Pansy's shivering waist...

'Shivering?'

He turned his thousand watt smile on Pansy, giving a happy cry at her lips pursed, blue gray eyes narrowed dangerously the way he loved.

"Pans I-"

Her fist connected with the side of his face sensing Cedric's head whipping to the right at neck breaking speed (and it was really close to neck breaking!) He righted his head, bobbed awkwardly in the water but had yet to let her go, holding tighter to her as her hands wrapped themselves around her neck.

"You. Bloody. BASTARD!" Pansy shouted grinning maniacally as Cedric's normally handsome face turned puce and he began to wheeze.

From the stands Sam Winchester snapped a picture smiling, beside him Cho winced.

"Merlin! Someone stop her!" She shouted over the laughter and cheering wolf whistles. "She's killing him!"

No one seemed to care that Cedric was being murdered by what he had 'sorely missed,' had begun to clap loudly. Krum and Granger for their part, seemed completely horrified as Cedric turned purple, swimming as far from the couple as they could manage.

"They're flirting. ¡Qué lindo!" Antonio clapped his hands together. Francis, who managed to break away from the rest of the cheering Gryffindor's, squeezed between Antonio and a flushed Angelina.

"Oui. Cedric must be very..._happy_?" Francis took in the passionate couple for a moment and turned to Antonio. "Mon Dieu! She really has a hold on him."

"Si, she's very strong." Antonio peeled his eyes away and took in Francis. Somehow it felt like they hadn't spoken in ages and really, if he thought about it, they hadn't, not since the Lovina/Cho/Ivan debacle. "How are you amigo?"

"Good, very good." Francis smiled. "I have something I want to tell you actually. You will be very very excited to know."

"¿Sí?"

Francis leaned into Antonio, blue eyes glittering with amusement as his handsome friend fidgeted where he sat. Antonio was always so easy to excite so easy to please...

"Gilbert est venu." He said.

"¿Qué?" Antonio asked. "I'm not so good with French, amigo. You know that."

"Mon Dieu...I thought you were learning."

"I'm sorry!"

It wasn't like Antonio hadn't tried to learn. He knew, perhaps, a handful of phrases which for Antonio was an accomplishment. It had been hard enough learning proper English and even then he still had trouble. "I am getting there. Cálmate amigo. What is it you wanted to say?"

"Gilbert is coming."

"¿QUÉ?"

"Gillian is beside herself with excitement, me too!" Francis grinned, all teeth very unlike his usually sultry grins. The entire row behind them, boys excluded, swooned. "How much fun we will have once Frère aîné is here!"

The last time Gilbert, Gillian, Antonio and Francis had been together...well, the boys couldn't technically remember the whats and the hows but somehow they'd woken up in Sweden, mouths tasting fuzzy with major hangovers in a pent house. Anytime with Gilbert usually surmounted in shenanigans and trouble, but the good kind. It was like being back home causing ruckus in their small town being the infamous Bad Touch Trio they were known for...

"When does he get here?"

"I don't know. Gillian said something about-"

Whatever else Francis may have said had been cut off by a rather large and terrifying explosion in the water. By this time Cedric and Pansy were with the others staring from beneath their towels as the Giant Squid rose from the dark freezing depths of the lake like a large stage. A tall and handsome youth wearing ceremonial robes (a confectionery of colors and beads the like of which even Dumbledore would wince at) and a tall obnoxious pointed hat.

"Eins-Zwei-Drei-Vier!"

"Ah! ¡Ahí está!"

A concert, apparently, atop the Giant Squid and the students went wild, cheering at the strange German man who sang and jumped erratically, Gillian Beilschmidt cheering loudest.

Ludwig Beilschmidt felt a migraine. He stood, trudged down the stands to leave stopping for a moment to glance at his insane older brother.

"So...it has begun." He whispered. "Mein Gott...it has begun."

A loud crashing wave of applause and bright burgeoning light from Gilbert';s fireworks (how and when did that happen) illuminated Ludwig's back as he ran towards the castle intent on changing rooms with anyone who would be willing to hide him from the horror of his other insane and possibly sociopathic older brother.

'_Good Luck Ludwig, you're gonna need it_,' is probably what you are all thinking and rightly so. I know I am.

_**~.~**_

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><p><strong><em>~.~<em>**

**Muse: This chapter...kicked my ass! I'm sorry for taking forever! No excuses (Blame Teenwolf, blame it) no excuses at all. Anyway, Gilbert's here. Poor poor Hogwarts and Ludwig. This won't be easy on them, on the plus side though, the Giant Squid has apparently gained a new friend. That's always good.**

**Well not for the grindylow or for the merpeople of the lake of course but good for the squid, who was otherwise, a pretty lonely guy.**

**Will update as soon as I know what to update with. In the mean time, I hope you enjoy wand information on...whichever character you choose in your review.**

**See you all soon (I hope)**


	14. The Wand of Lovina Vargas

Lovina Vargas

_Wand Wood; __Willow_

_Willow is an uncommon wand wood with healing power, and I have noted that the ideal owner for a willow wand often has some (usually unwarranted) insecurity, however well they may try and hide it. While many confident customers insist on trying a willow wand (attracted by their handsome appearance and well-founded reputation for enabling advanced, non-verbal magic) my willow wands have consistently selected those of greatest potential, rather than those who feel they have little to learn. It has always been a proverb in my family that he who has furthest to travel will go fastest with willow._

_Wand Core; __Phoenix_

_This is the rarest core type. Phoenix feathers are capable of the greatest range of magic, though they may take longer than either unicorn or dragon cores to reveal this. They show the most initiative, sometimes acting of their own accord, a quality that many witches and wizards dislike._

_Phoenix feather wands are always the pickiest when it comes to potential owners, for the creature from which they are taken is one of the most independent and detached in the world. These wands are the hardest to tame and to personalise, and their allegiance is usually hard won._

_9 inches, springy._

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><p><strong>Muse: Lovina's wand, ladies and gentlemen! I think this one fit her very very well, don't you think? I just know I'm gonna get it because of the phoenix feather core (which is rare not impossible to have) but...I think Lovi's just special that way-she's this complex person who doesn't fully understand her own character which is brimming with possibilities and the part in the core description '<em>...hardest to tame and to personalise, and their allegiance is usually hard won<em>' fits Lovina's personality to such a T.**

**Her's has got to be my favorite (one of them at least). Any who, review, tell me what you think.**

**Wand information found on Pottermore (thank goodness for Pottermore!)**

**Review please and tell me what you think. What other character wand would you like to know about?**

**-Muse.**


	15. Wand of Gilbert Beilschmidt!

_Gilbert Beilschmidt;_

_Wand Wood; Cypress_

_Cypress wands are associated with nobility. The great medieval wandmaker, Geraint Ollivander, wrote that he was always honoured to match a cypress wand, for he knew he was meeting a witch or wizard who would die a heroic death. Fortunately, in these less blood-thirsty times, the possessors of cypress wands are rarely called upon to lay down their lives, though doubtless many of them would do so if required. Wands of cypress find their soul mates among the brave, the bold and the self-sacrificing: those who are unafraid to confront the shadows in their own and others' natures._

_Wand Core; __Phoenix_

_This is the rarest core type. Phoenix feathers are capable of the greatest range of magic, though they may take longer than either unicorn or dragon cores to reveal this. They show the most initiative, sometimes acting of their own accord, a quality that many witches and wizards dislike._

_Phoenix feather wands are always the pickiest when it comes to potential owners, for the creature from which they are taken is one of the most independent and detached in the world. These wands are the hardest to tame and to personalise, and their allegiance is usually hard won._

_Length: 12 inches_

_Flexibility: Hard_

* * *

><p><strong>Muse: Gilbert's wand! Fits him really well, though I had a hard time with the core type. I thought about Unicorn Hair but it didn't seem right. Gilbert seems like a powerful guy, as you will find out later he's pretty brave and out of the three of them, Gilly, himself and Ludwig well...Gilbert would have been the <em>only<em> Gryffindor. Hands down which is funny because Gillian is his genderbend and obviously a Slytherin. **

**Wand information found on Pottermore (thank goodness for Pottermore!)**

**Review please and tell me what you think. What other character wand would you like to know about?**

**-Muse.**


	16. The Wand of Ivan Braginski

_Ivan Braginski;_

_Wand Wood; __Hawthorn_

_The wandmaker Gregorovitch wrote that hawthorn 'makes a strange, contradictory wand, as full of paradoxes as the tree that gave it birth, whose leaves and blossoms heal, and yet whose cut branches smell of death.' While I disagree with many of Gregorovitch's conclusions, we concur about hawthorn wands, which are complex and intriguing in their natures, just like the owners who best suit them. Hawthorn wands may be particularly suited to healing magic, but they are also adept at curses, and I have generally observed that the hawthorn wand seems most at home with a conflicted nature, or with a witch or wizard passing through a period of turmoil. Hawthorn is not easy to master, however, and I would only ever consider placing a hawthorn wand in the hands of a witch or wizard of proven talent, or the consequences might be dangerous. Hawthorn wands have a notable peculiarity: their spells can, when badly handled, backfire._

_Wand Core; __Dragon_

_As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner._

_The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental._

_10 inches, Hard_

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><p><strong>Muse: Ivan's wand, as requested by a reviewer. I find that this one is the most suited to his character. A terrifying wand for a character such as Ivan but, also, the strange fact that it is also very good for healing. Strange when you think about Ivan healing but, then if you really think about it, maybe not. His character in this story thus far has been very unlucky in love but seems to go out of his way to help his friend, healing her rather than allowing himself time to heal form heart ache but...that is later in the story. An actual update will be soon. I promise! I have the time now that my brain isn't riddled by Teenwolf (seriously it is the show that destroys live <em>almost<em> as good as Supernatural. But in a good way.)**

**Review and let me know what you think about the story and the wands. How are the wand chapters? **

**- Muse**


	17. Hufflepuff chapter

**A few Hufflepuff's**

_**(Sorry for being away)**_

**~.~**

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><p><strong>~.~<strong>

_Muse: *peeks from behind fourth wall* Um...*cough* I literally have no excuses. None of the excuses. I took a helluva hiatus and started other stories because plot bunnies and then the terrible Teenwolf Tumblr Dash Hit of 2012 slammed me and I was hooked to Sterek and had no idea what else to write (though I still love my lovilies in this story I was sort of turned around) so I've decided to incorporate everything. BTW a warning that other characters are going to have their own arcs. I think a while back I had a few people unfamiliar with Supernatural get a little confused by the characters. So any other crossovers I throw here, bear with me and if you aren't interested in checking out the shows/books/comic/ETC they're from, then just treat them like OC's. It'll make it easier._

_Now, to start out honestly, this story had a set middle-ending that wasn't going to change. Now, due to the hiatus well, the plot bunnies demand a completely different take. I'm not going back to change anything, not at all, just well...lets just say, the Ivan/Lovina/Antonio/Cho/ love square may just inherit a few more angles. Newer characters will be introduced. We're going to have both Crowley's (because everyone was so confused last time and well, I can't not have them both here)._

_So...onward because I seem to remember something about a certain tournament and a particular badgery house that-lets be honest- has the most awesome characters available._

_Shall we?_

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><p><strong>~.~<strong>

Leon watched from his cushy nest of pillows as Cedric Diggory regaled the first years with his version of the second task. Heroic as it sounded (fighting to save true love and all that) Leon can't help but wonder how Cedric Diggory of all people landed the title role for the tournament.

Certainly there were other, determined, braver and more intelligent candidates that would have proven better for the task. But, then again, just because Cedric seemed to hear and see everything in vibrant happy colors and a mired of Disney-esq sounds didn't mean he wasn't strong enough, brave enough or intelligent enough to get the job done.

The thing about Leon's House was, Hufflepuff might not be as determined as the snakes, they might not be as brave or particularly brainy but, what they lacked in those areas they made up for loyalty and a pretty good work ethic- their motto being "We start something we damn well make sure to finish it," or something like that.

Lili Zwingli giggled at the arm Cedric placed around her tiny shoulders, smiled brightly as he then hoisted her up over his head in one powerful moment, showing the Hufflepuff first years how he 'lifted' his great and truest love from the bowels of the deep dark lake.

Leon rolled his eyes and looked towards the dorms were Hufflepuff fourth year Derek Hale glowered, eyes glittering in the shadow. Leon, for his part, ignored the obvious glowing eyes like the rest of the Hufflepuffs. They might be a little uneasy with a werewolf in their house but house unity meant family and Derek had taken to the Hufflepuff's like a pup being guided into pack.

The more he watched the Hufflepuff champion who smiled brightly and the werewolf who now slunk into the corner to listen at wrapt attention the more Leon realized that, out of all the houses in the school Hufflepuff was definitely the best and most underrated.

Well, not technically underrated. Not now.

He stood up and walked towards Derek's dark corner, careful not to startle the werewolf who listened with all of his attention. Didn't work, Derek scooted to the side to allow Leon a little room in the cool dark which- touched. Leon really didn't understand why Derek wasn't more popular outside of their house. He was an actual, died in the wool sweetheart.

"So, is it me or are the events our wonderfully talented and extremely popular upperclassmen incredibly dramatized?" Leon asked with a grin as he let his question rise a little higher than a whisper.

"Are they? I never would have imagined." Derek mock whispered as well, eyes shimmering light small blue lights in the shadows. Leon wonders if it's just natural, for Derek to equate sass and an equal amount of deadpan into a simple sentence.

Cedric, who'd heard them pauses in his story and mock glares at the pair. He isn't hurt by the mocking joke or the sarcasm because Cedric is Cedric and he never lets himself get too annoyed by simple teasing. It's a trait that most Puff's have, which just makes getting along so much easier.

"I beg your pardon?" Cedric lowers Lili, patting her on the head as he nears the two smirking puff's in the corner. He stops just in front of them and isn't even bothered by wiggling eyebrows or Derek examining his claws with a bored expression.

"Oh sorry, did we say that out loud?" Derek lifts a thick brow and turns to Leon. "I think we might have offended Cedric's honor."

"Did we? Oh Cedric, are we ever so sorry! Of course you were telling the truth, of course your accounts aren't extremely over exaggerated!"

"Obviously the beating Parkinson gave you with her fists in the water were a hallucination due to the cold-despite the fact that I burn like a furnace."

"Exactly Cedric. Derek and I were wrong."

Cedric looks angry at the mouth but his eyes twinkle, amused because Cedric is that way. He tackles them and by the time he's done (Derek doesn't even know how Cedric manages it) Cedric has them both tied to two soft chairs and continues his story-this time with more embellishments.

Lovina Vargas lets her brow twitch in annoyance for a fraction of a moment before stalking towards the door the leaving. Leon feels a little sorry for her, with the way Antonio just...ended the entire situation, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't completely understand why this had to be the outcome. Ivan let himself be used and a lot of people got hurt just because Lovina didn't use her words. He can only hope that eventually it would get better.

"Pst!"

Leon looks to the side at Derek who waves his freed hand, claws scary sharp and glimmering. He leans forward and cuts Leon out of his binds as Cedric again pauses in his story telling.

"You two!"

"What?" Derek growls causing some of the first years to nervously twitch.

"I was just finishing up."

"Well I'm hungry." Derek pats his flat belly. "Werewolf, remember. I have a high metabolism."

Cedric lifts a brow as his hand twitches towards his wand. Leon, now freed decides to defend his fellow housemate from his other fellow housemates pranks (this is the seventh time this week Cedric has tied Derek up. It's getting a little ridiculous.)

"It's true. If he doesn't get his full he'll faint. It's pretty pathetic."

Derek growls and Leon is nowhere near nervous about it. After all, he was usually Gillian Beilschmidt's chew toy so, growling werewolf? Not even close to getting him scared.

"Oh. Well off you go then!" Cedric waves them off with a smile and Leon decides, screw it. He's kind of hungry anyway.

They make it out the dorm and nearly collide with Castiel Singer, the blue eyes Hufflepuff with the patience of a saint and the temper of a demon. "Excuse me. I wasn't paying attention."

"It was our fault." Derek shrugs. "We were on our way to the kitchens."

"Oh." Castiel tilts his head to the side thoughtfully, blue eyes bluer than they were a moment ago. "The kitchens are unavailable at the moment."

"Huh?" Leon shoves his hands into his pockets and damn it, now he's really hungry. "Why?"

"Professors Crowley and Crowley are there overseeing the preparations for the banquet." Castiel answers. "I had the unfortunate run in with them both and they asked that I inform everyone that the kitchens were unavailable."

Derek sighs dramatically and stalks down the hall. Leon and Castiel follow him with their eyes for a moment. "I think he's pissed."

"Hungry werewolves are particularly touchy. Or so I have heard." Castiel fidgets with the books in his hands. "I should inform the others."

"Yeah. It's cool go on. I'll catch you later?" Leon lets the question drag, listening intently as Derek's steps stop fully. He looks at Castiel and fixes him with a look. "Tutoring? Remember?"

Castiel's eyes brighten. He flushes a bit embarrassed.

"I apologize. I forgot."

"No worries Cas. I'll meet you back here in a few hours and well go over those Transfiguration notes."

"Yes. Certainly. The exam-"

"Is tomorrow and you are totally going to pass with me as your tutor." Leon claps a hand on Castiel's shoulder once and then jogs down the hall towards Derek who is waiting. "See ya!" He waves over his shoulder as Castiel disappears into the dorm. "Yeesh!" Leon says as he catches up to the glowering werewolf. "Couldn't have waited right?"

"I didn't have to wait in the first place." Derek growls the same time as his stomach. "Geeze..."

"Yeah. I'm starved- wait! I know where we can get food."

"I am not asking the Weasley's for candy shares. Fred and George are bad enough with the joke stuff but Ron. That guy is just stingy."

Leon grins. "No. We can go to Honeydukes."

Derek blinks slowly, annoyed.

"It's Tuesday. How are we going to get to Honeydukes on a Tuesday?"

"I have ways."

* * *

><p><strong>~.~<strong>

Gillian Beilschmidt is a menace. This is a fact of life. Ludwig Beilschmidt is as calm as a cucumber and built like a bear. This too is a fact of life. Draco Malfoy and all the other Slytherins'. Once the elder Beilschmidt showed up during the second task well, now everyone could add Gilbert Beilschmidt as the ruler supreme of menace to being untimate fact-anyone who disagrees can go home.

What Draco didn't account for were the Hufflepuffs, the so-called quiet and reserved duffers Draco taunted once upon a time...

"You want the map? No." Draco said with bleary sleepy eyes. He'd been napping when he was suddenly shaken awake by Leon Kennedy. How had he even... "How did you get in the Slytherin dormitories?"

Leon levels Draco with a look all to familiar, the kind of look that says _you don't want to know._

"Easy. We talked someone into letting us in."

"_We_?" Draco asked and nearly yelped at the sight of the fourth year Hufflepuff leaning against the banister of Blaises' bed, dark eyebrows furrowed menacingly. Draco wasn't certain how eyebrows could be menacing but on Hale... "Why do you want the map?"

"Honeydukes." Hale answers.

"You have got to be joking."

Leon shrugged while Hale glowered dangerously. Draco would rather die than admit that Hale frightened him, really, it was only because Hale was a Hufflepuff and on principle Slytherin's were not even remotely weary of Duffers. But Hale was a different animal all together.

"Fine fine. It's under the mattress. You remember how to use it Kennedy?"

"Yeah yeah. Sure. Just let me-ah! Got it! Derek let's go."

"Oi! Get me a chocolate frog for the trouble, yeah?"

"Obviously."

* * *

><p><strong>~.~<strong>

Lovina scowled as Antonio and some random Ravelclaw twit laughed at some stupid joke. From her position in the alcove, while she couldn't exactly hear them, she could certainly see them. It wasn't the same kind of hurt that she experienced with Cho and Antonio, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.

"..._geeze_..."

The girls' pretty blond curls catching in the light as Antonio tucked ringlets of hair behind her ear with a gorgeous stupid smile. Lovina turned-

-and ran straight into a stupidly solid chest. Falling back she cursed herself loudly for not paying closer attention to her surroundings. She wasn't Feliciana, who would bump into someone and giggle cutely and sweetly and 'oops. I didn't mean it, ve~'

By the feel of it, she'd bumped right into the stupid potato. Great. Just what she needed, to bump into that idiot.

"_Ch_-damn it! Watch where you're going!"

"Likewise."

The voice is cool, a low growl. She looks up and sees a worrisome Leon and an annoyed Derek. Perfect.

"Oh...you two."

She really didn't have time for these idiots. She does take the hand Hale is offering though, and lets him help her up. She looks up at them both and mock scowls which Hale returns with interest. At least he isn't boring.

"What were you doing in the alcove?" Leon asks after a beat. His gray-blue eyes are directly on her, trying to figure something out and its then that Lovina remembers that she'd been silently crying.

Oh hell.

"None of your business!" She crosses her arms and looks down at her feet. "It's not like I was spying on anyone or anything. Geeze!"

Hale chuckles and Leon's eyes soften in a way that reminds her of the stupid potato when he wants to help her. Which is stupid because Lovina doesn't need anyone's help. She's perfectly fine with that's happening, anyway. Antonio is allowed to have girlfriends and Ivan is allowed to avoid her. Whatever.

"You've been spotted." Hale's glassy green eyes are trained on the couple behind her.

Lovina's heart constricts, her hands tighten into fists. She turns slowly and sees...nothing. Antonio and his flavor of the month girlfriend are gone and all that is left behind is an empty bench. Lovina turns back to her upperclassmen, Leon's face is one of displeasure while Hale's face is split into a shit eating grin.

"_Bastardo!_" Her tiny fists connects with his shoulder. "What is your problem?"

"No problem it was just too easy." He says.

"You scared me. I thought he saw-"

"Oh he _did_." Hale shrugs. "Why do you think we popped up here? You looked pretty pathetic 'spying' on them."

"Derek!"

Her face is hot, humiliation is something that in the past few weeks she has become so acquainted with. "Y-you're a jerk."

"So I've heard." Derek twirls his wand, head tipped upward and Lovina realizes that he's scenting the air for...something.

Creepy werewolves being creepy.

Only to be made creepier when he leans ever so close into her personal space and take a long whiff.

"What?!"

"You-" His eyes narrow glowing a terrifying blue. "-have chocolate. Don't you?"

"W-what?!" She takes a step back and nearly trips, if not for Leon's hand on her arm. "What did you just? Chocolate?"

"You have chocolate."

"Of course I do. Unlike some other idiots, when I get candy I ration it I don't eat it like a furry pig in the dorms."

"Are you calling me a furry pig?"

"_Ch_...What do you think?"

Not a lot of people would go out of their way to yell at Derek Hale, on principle the majority of the student body gave Derek wide berth whenever he was in the halls. Classmates who weren't Hufflepuffs' were usually left terrified at being up close with him, although the Gryffindor's and the Slytherin's played it off.

Derek Hale wasn't terrifying he was a Hufflepuff and not worth the effort, was the usual excuse with them. Ravenclaws' were intelligent enough to keep their distance. They had no idea what he really was and didn't particularly care, he was just intimidating. Some Hufflepuff's themselves were weary of him and gave him a distance.

Lovina Vargas was not one of these, or rather, he frightened her but she'd rather save face and tell him to go to hell rather than snivel like a terrified baby.

"Whatever." He crosses his arms and looks to the side, suddenly disinterested. Derek is starving, wants something to sink his teeth into damn it. "Lets go." Derek turns on his heel and stalks away, obviously annoyed (and its _mostly _not about the fact that Lovina freakin' Varga has called him a gross furry pig. It really isn't she totally doesn't get to him, **damn it**.)

Leon winks at Lovina before sprinting towards the werewolf with laughter in his voice as he shouts after him. "Hey Derek! You're going the wrong way!"

"_Chigi_...idiots."

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><p><strong>~.~<strong>

Harry knows from experience that even under the invisibility cloak, Natalia can still find him. If he weren't (usually) in possession of the Marauders Map he would have assumed she had it. Hermione tells him that he breathes a little loudly when he's excited (terrified) and that's why Natalia gets him. Ron says it's because he walks too loudly, his steps too heavy on the stone floor. Harry has taken to slow breathing and soft tipping steps, and she still manages to find him.

He wonders how his life became this, why he was born to suck unfortunate circumstances and blames his father. Because Harry would have inherited James Potter's bad karma at birth, of course he would have.

Still, he tries and tries to find a way around the Belarusian (or is it Russian? He doesn't quite know) even if its a poor mans dream. He is halfway to Moaning Myrtle's when he hears voices up ahead and deciding that he just doesn't want to be seen by anyone, Harry plasters himself to the wall to wait for the talkative duo to pass.

Leon Kennedy, a Hufflepuff Harry is a bit familiar with comes into view, his golden brown/blonde head nodded at whatever the other Hufflepuff with him is saying. The other leaves Harry with a strange sense of foreboding. Its got to be the eyebrows, all large and expressive (and Harry wonders if, by any chance they usually meet in the middle until being properly waxed off.)

"...seriously you have no taste! I mean, Quidditch is great but nothing beats Quadpot. Did you see the World Cup? Geeze, the Hollywood Harpies are just, they're fantastic."

"I like the Sweetwater All-Stars."

"That's because you're uncle was on the team.

"Why else. Like I said before, I'm more into Quidditch." Derek shrugs. "Its in my blood."

Harry's interest is a little piqued as Derek and Leon pass him. He moves quietly from the wall and follows behind the two, listening intently to the conversation. He doesn't know Derek Hale, no one out of Hufflepuff really does, and its left him curious (well Hermione is curious about him. Harry tells himself that anything he hears he'll tell her.)

"In your blood?" Leon's brow lifts. "Really?"

"My grandfather played for the Heidelberg Harries in the fifties and my father was seeker for the Gorodok Gargoyles until he was traded to the Toyohashi Tengu team in Japan for a year.

My mother was beater for the Fitchbird Finches until she retired last year. I can list more but we'd be here all day." Derek grins. "By the way, you'll notice I didn't mention anything about the part of my family who play professional Quodpot."

Leon low whistles impressed while Harry's mouth gapes in surprise.

"That's got to be scary."

"Why's that?"

"Well," Leon licks his lips, finding words. "-your family is filled with a bunch of Quidditch jocks not to mention Quodpot players. What if you didn't like Quidditch or didn't want to play professionally?"

Derek scratches the back of his neck and shrugs one shoulder.

"I don't think it matter. My older sister did _just _turn down the Stonewall Stormers team and that was pretty shocking. My parents were more or less confused but accepting of it. Since she could ride a broom all she's ever done is talk, eat, breathe and live Quidditch, so we were all a little shocked when she decided to be a deputy for the BHMPD."

"What about you?"

"Me?" Derek's eyebrows furrow, its like he's never thought about it before. "Well I don't really know. I've thought about trying out for the Quidditch team here, but we're only here for the year for the exchange program. Seems a little redundant."

"What about trying out for your school back in California?"

"The Beacon Hills Institute for Young Witches and Wizards? No thanks. They're all about lacrosse and Quodpot and the wizard chess club." He shakes his head, disappointed. "No team."

"They don't have a quidditch team? That stinks."

"I'll say."

"But aren't you like, Hufflepuff royalty or something?"

"Sort of? Up until my dad and uncle Peter all the other Hale's attended Hogwarts. My grandfather fell in love with my grandmother and decided to just move to America. That's basically that."

"Muggle right?"

"My grandmother? Yeah."

They walk further down the hall, their conversation continuing on but Harry doesn't pay much attention. They stop suddenly, Derek and Leon side stepping into an empty classroom. Leon grabs Harry's arm through the cloak and halls him inside, slamming the door shut.

"Why did you? You knew I was-" Harry's mouth is covered by Derek's hand. For an agonizing moment they hear the soft barely there steps of someone light-footed near the door before they move away. A minute passes before Derek pulls his hand away. "What was that?"

"Natalia," Leon says. "was lingering in the corridors. Since you were hiding in the first place Derek and I decided to help out. You were hiding from her right?"

"Or eavesdropping." Derek growls. "Most probably that." He walks deeper into the room stopping at a blank clean board. "Worse than that Stilinski brat."

"The first year?"

"Who else?"

With a flick of his wand and a mumbled a spell a flock of small brightly colored blue canaries flew from the tip of Derek's wand. He lifted his large hand allowing two to settle comfortably onto his palm.

"Uh..."

"_Avis_." Leon grinned. "Basically, he's getting out all the rats sneaking about the room."

"What?"

The birds flew from Dereks palm and with a snarl he pointed in the direction of the closed cupboard. "_Oppugno_!"

The flock flew directly to the cupboard in sync and embedded their tiny little beaks into the wood. Who ever had hidden inside shrieked loudly and tumbled from the door. Two figures, one a first year Gryffindor and the other, fourth year Ravenclaw Heracles Karpusi fell onto a heap on the floor.

"You have two seconds to tell me where your partner in crime is." Derek glares down at the Gryffindor who looks up at him, brown eyes large and pleading. "Scott..."

"I don't know!" The Scott says. "I was studying with Heracles, honest! I don't know where Stiles is!"

"Maybe," Heracles groans out at Scott's side. "he is with Gillian and Draco. They have been spending a strange amount of time together."

The look of absolute terror crossing Leon, Derek or Scott's faces is not lost on Harry. He's never met this Stiles person but by the looks of it...

Fantastic. Another person to be weary of.

"Why were you hiding in the cupboard?"

"Gabriel Ryder and Balthazar Freely locked us inside. Thought it would be some sort of hilarious joke." Scott shakes his head. "I don't get it."

"They rarely make any sense." Heracles says.

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><p><strong>~.~<strong>

**[TBC in a week]**

_The wand of Derek Hale_

_Length: 13 in_

_Wood: English Oak_

_ A wand for good times and bad, this is a friend as loyal as the wizard who deserves it. Wands of English oak demand partners of strength, courage and fidelity. Less well-known is the propensity for owners of English oak wands to have powerful intuition, and, often, an affinity with the magic of the natural world, with the creatures and plants that are necessary to wizardkind for both magic and pleasure. The oak tree is called King of the Forest from the winter solstice up until the summer solstice, and its wood should only be collected during that time (holly becomes King as the days begin to shorten again, and so holly should only be gathered as the year wanes. This divide is believed to be the origin of the old superstition, "when his wand's oak and hers is holly, then to marry would be folly," a superstition that I have found baseless). It is said that Merlin's wand was of English oak (though his grave has never been found, so this cannot be proven)._

_Core: Dragon_

_ As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner._

_The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental._

_Flexibility: Reasonably Supple_

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><p><strong><em>~.~<em>**

**I have to break this into two parts because I'm impatient and wanted it up. Sorry for taking a thousand and three hundred years but like I said in the note up **_**there**_**. Anyway, this chapter-for those of you who haven't seen teen wolf and aren't interested and might be a bit miffed...this is the most of Derek you'll be seeing here. I'm getting him out of my system. We'll be going right back to the love triangle with added angles after the rest of this chapter is up. See you in a week for the next update!**


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